Jeanette's

I just like to say SORBET

2012-02-08T23:52:00.000-08:00

These were also a much prettier pink in real life. Lesson learned: don't document the color pink with a cheap camera.

Do you want to know what that is?? Pre-Valentine's day treats again, of course! :) But more specifically, it is frozen strawberries, frozen mangos, frozen raspberries, and milk. Blended in the blender. We were going for smoothies and we ended up with ice cream. Most amazing mistake ever!! (Seriously though. We made it 2 nights in a row, and I'm sure we'll do it again. We have 2 more cool glasses like that if anyone wants to come have some...)

New Project

2012-02-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

School is not being kind to us this semester. To help us forget our boredom and frustration, we have decided to teach *ourselves* some new things. For example, I took back up crocheting! We built the Death-Star out of Legos! And the husband has, by far, the most ambitious project of all, which he is featuring above. Um, incomplete. But it is supposed to be a secret until it is complete, so you can see it in stages (or maybe just this part and then the finished product...I never know how quickly these things will progress.)

Also, I experiment with cooking much more lately. Observe: practicing for Valentine's Day.

That soup on the left was very pink in real life, but not on camera. Also, it was delicious. The pie (in its finished form, not the form you see here) was also a hit, but when I make it again, I'm thinking melted chocolate on the crust under the strawberries.

Who said we're not learning anything this semester, hmm? :)

trouble

2012-02-02T22:18:00.001-08:00

online classes + cake in a jar = maybe this is why my mother doesn't believe i've been working out? :)

please notice my sparkly blue nails. they look like cinderella, you guys. i don't know how that's possible, but it is. i love them. whenever i get frustrated on campus, i look down and think, "cinderella!!" and you can't help but smile at that. i promise.

BLACKOUT

2012-01-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

I support the blackout protesting SOPA and PIPA.

Also, I have a new love for Wikipedia for making a stand. "Jimmy Wales, the Wikipedia founder, justified the blackout by saying that “This is an extraordinary action for our community to take - and while we regret having to prevent the world from having access to Wikipedia for even a second, we simply cannot ignore the fact that SOPA and PIPA endanger free speech both in the United States and abroad, and set a frightening precedent of Internet censorship for the world.""

Read more about Wikipedia's initiative (not the only one, just the first one I found today so I'm sticking with it) here.

And do some voting/informing of Congress wherever and however you usually do, but if you usually don't, Google has made it simple here.

xoxo

PS Google is getting some criticism for not blacking out today, but I love that they are spreading awareness and sending people straight to that petition. Still support.

The start of our first holiday season...

2011-11-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

...looks beautiful to me. Happy Holidays, loves.

In school, I am studying "the immediacy of history"

2011-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

My English teacher believes in ghosts.

He believes our pasts can haunt us. That places can haunt us. That we are made up of history, floating around us, whether or not we are aware of it.

I am currently being haunted by the Jews of Nazi Germany.

Jason came home with a story last night - a story from a man that he works with. A story about a woman in a concentration camp.

She was an artist.

*****

Before the Jews were taken to the camp, maybe before they even knew they were going, the woman in this story had gone with all the other Jews to see a movie. The last movie they saw together was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." The Disney movie.

She painted it on the wall.

She painted "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" on the wall in the concentration camps. For all of them.

One of the Nazi's came in and demanded, "Who did this?"

It was over for her, she knew it. "I did," she said.

"Come with me," he instructed.

Sometimes I wonder what they thought about - the Jews. Where their minds went. Were they afraid? Did they think about the people they love? Most of the time I try not to think about that. Maybe that's what they were doing, too.

He did not take her to an immediate death, as I am sure she expected. I expected that when I heard the story. He took her to a man worse than death. A man who experimented on human beings - a man who experimented even on children. Dr. Mengele - the Angel of Death.

So it would be worse than death.

The doctor wanted portraits of gypsies - the Romani inmates. Nobody else could get the skin color right - the color was eluding him.

"Can you do it?" he asked her. "Can you paint their skin tones?"

"My mother goes free," she said.

The room exploded.

"My mother goes free, or I'm on the fence in the morning," she said. The electric fence. The room was full of screaming, insulting, furious men.

My mother goes free, and I paint this. You say no, and I die.

The room continued screaming obscenities and insults.

"What is her number?" the doctor asked.

Did her mother really go free? I had to ask immediately. Was it a dirty trick?

Her mother really went free, Jason told me. They actually let her go.

And the woman painted portraits of the people.

She kept painting, anything she was asked, knowing that the moment she said no or the work ran out, she was dead.

The war ended. She was still alive.

She made it, this woman. She was freed from the concentration camp, and she was free to live her own life. She met a wonderful man - a man who was also an artist. As a matter of fact, he was one of the lead artists in a certain Walt Disney film: "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

She married him.

Years later, she received a request to come look at a painting. It was one of her paintings! It had been sold to a museum in Germany. She went, and identified the painting as her own work. She asked if she could have it back.

The museum said no.

She did not understand - it was her own work. She was the artist. She wanted her painting.

She may have been the artist, the museum argued, but the work belonged to Dr. Mengele. If she could get him to release the artwork to her, it would be hers.

I did not react well to that part of the story. I don't know that I reacted well to any of it, but especially not that part.

She never got it back, despite her best efforts.

Her grandson is Jason's co-worker, who told him the story yesterday. He still wants his grandmother's painting - if he can ever get it back.

*******

I looked this story up, wanting to know more details about it as soon as Jason finished telling it to me. There have been many people who tried to help her and her family retrieve the paintings - there are actually seven of her paintings currently held by the museum.

I also looked up the doctor. I know I had heard this before, but he was never found. I read that he escaped to South America. I'd like to know how people know that. I didn't really want to read more about him, though. One more note: I don't know why the doctor needed the skin tones in his pictures to be the perfect shade, but he was truly desperate. Even a color photo did not give him the hue he wanted.

The woman in the story can be read about here, and her husband, Art Babbitt, is likely well-known to you already (the artist who helped illustrate "Snow White". He is also famous for creating the character of Goofy.) And if you are into comics, her story can be found in the very last issue of X-Men: Magneto Testament.

You may find pictures of her paintings online, and I wanted to post them here. I am terrified, however, of the new law they are trying to pass - the law about shutting down any website that is reasonably supposed to be posting copyrighted material that is not their own. Did you watch the video Becca posted in my comments? (I talked about this law in my last post...that's where her comment is.)

The paintings are beautiful and sad. They evoke stories of their painter, their captors, and the people themselves. I want to show you. I want to know the other stories.

But I don't want to go to jail for posting copyrighted material on my blog.

*******

What is haunting you?

L'homme est libre au moment qu'il veut l'être

2011-11-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

Hard Truth: my sisters do not think I'm as cool as I do. Which sort of breaks my heart because nobody is as much fun as my sisters are, and I keep wanting to kidnap them to bring them over for music parties and baking brownies, but they are not about that anymore. Oh well. :)

So. Serious question. I am likely woefully behind on all of this, but can someone please explain what exactly is being decided in Congress about the Internet right now? I cannot seem to find a single article that actually explains the issue - I found lots of emotion, but very few facts. And OK fine. I found the bill: HERE, but, fine, I don't get it.

Help? It seems to involve communication, sales, advertisements, and all else, but I can't figure anything else out. I'm not trying to take a stance here, I just want to know what it's about.

Oh hey, Fall.

2011-11-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

Oh hey, Jack's Mannequin. Hey long pretty sweaters and my favorite boots. I'm trying not to hate the fact that it's cooling down, but being positive, see? :)

Oh, and hey, speaking of fall(ing), sometimes your husband is heating up leftovers and something falls off the counter and looks very threatening and cool all at once.

Arrrr. Ye be warned, matey.

(PS Halloween was the coolest. I'll prove it when I am on my husband's computer, because that is where the pictures are at, yo.)

Super Lame

2011-10-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

sick husband looks like a druggie.

he's not though. melaleuca, not drugs.

fevers are no joke, guys. also, birth control sucks. also, midterms suck.

therefore, husband and i will be sitting on the couch with gatorade, soup, cough drops, and the office for the rest of...this.

OH!!! the good news is that i bought vicks for the husband. (actually, i've been been trying to cure him with everything i have in the house or that i can find in the store...essential oils, medicine, good food, comfort food, the office...everything.) i really think vicks is gonna kick this thing though. :)

2011-10-17T22:43:00.000-07:00

that is what sick looks like around here, guys.

poor husband.

and me? well...that is also not looking too pretty this week. i mean, remember midterms? i was never very good at dealing with the stress of midterms, and apparently i'm no better at it now.

but instead of finishing my study guide for tomorrow like i typically would (feverishly) be doing, i keep anxiously looking up to see if that guy over there is healthy again yet.

check?

not yet.

i love my new job though, for some happy news. :) it's fantastic, even if i do meet some pretty interesting people. you definitely get the range in a costume shop. i love love LOVE the people i work with/for, which is lovely, and honestly it's just nice to have something totally different to go do for a while. i also remembered that i haven't worked all day on my feet in a while, so that's probably good for me, too.

someone should tell me to stop worrying and get back to studying. i think that is usually what mothers are for, but i think i'm supposed to be good at it myself now. that is not quite as effective yet, but i'll work on it.

2 weeks till halloween...are you excited?? could this post be any more jumbled? xoxo

I love days like today

2011-10-04T12:11:00.001-07:00

I'm so in love with all the rain this week. I'm so sorry for my anger on Sunday - apparently I am still affected by the weather every day, and the day before a storm I am all angsty, and when the storm finally hits all of that dissipates.

Good luck with all your endeavors this week. If you are in the area, please come enjoy the rain with me. I'll make dinner.

xoxo

Gross.

2011-10-02T21:39:00.001-07:00

Check it out. Two posts in one night.

I just needed to say that I will NEVER again tell anyone from Vegas that I graduated with a degree in communications. For the record, in my comms classes we did things like analyze the ways to handle a crisis from a management situation, how to write press releases, news releases, etc. I worked for several real-life clients, I put together tons of presentations, and I genuinely worked hard in a lot of classes.

Jason is currently taking a communications class from his university. I was going through the definitions in the back of his book. Do you want to know what they include? Hmm?

Friends with Benefits. (Yeah. Seriously. Pretty sure this is why I'm sick all the time now. Because that is now a definition in a college textbook.) Beautiful-is-good effect. Passionate Love. And about a hundred different definitions describing the different ways people can keep themselves from feeling emotion in different social situations.

You guys. Seriously? Please tell me that communications classes are not like this in every university. I mean, I was all proud of my school and my degree, because we have one of the top PR programs in the nation, but um. If this is what we're competing against? I'm going to have to seriously re-think my pride both in my degree and probably in humanity.

Blech. I'm going to go rinse out my eyes.

xoxo

I don't think I'm dealing very well with the stress of returning to school...

2011-10-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

life is really funny lately, everybody. but it's a little too up-and-down, here-and-there for me to really feel like writing anything much about it at all, except for these things.

1. are your nails black yet? i did not have time before work to paint mine yesterday and then i was sick after, and my subconscious was so distraught that i had nightmares about black nails all night. so, take that as a warning. it is now october...paint your nails. oh, and then send a picture to whitney for her blog. holla.

2. if i were going to prom, i would like a two-toned dress like THIS i think.

except i'd like it modest, of course.

i think the point here is that i have finally snapped and gone completely crazy, because i am looking at a two-toned, cupcake bottomed dress that i would probably wear a dark, glittery cover-up with as if a) i am a teenager going to prom b) i would do that.

also, even though i have told jason approximately 20 thousand times that i have a blog, it apparently did not register until yesterday. and it made him nervous. so maybe i'm posting about ridiculous things to confirm that yes, indeed, there is a need to be nervous? i don't know, guys. but he still hasn't even looked at it so maybe i'm just making sure in case he DOES that it's like, a one-timed thing. :) just kidding. :)

Obsession

2011-09-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

My husband does love me guys, I promise. But maybe that won't be super clear until next month is over, because next month is Halloween and really...that is just a priority. Because moving, starting school, switching work and getting married were like, totally a breeze you guys, so now he needs another challenge. :)

OK but seriously. When I was not crying (yeah, literally. my shame is all gone now) about school today, I was busy helping him set up THIS and THIS and an email address and finally finally finally getting some serious progress on my technology class.

OK but really. That first link? Hayeshalloween.blogspot.com/ ? I'm sort of loving that we're doing this.

Also, if you feel like I am likely neglecting other important things in favor of this, let me just say that after 3 weeks of essentials (and we're not done yet) this is just good for me to help me laugh and remember there is life outside of the classroom.

xoxo

Ch-ch-changes

2011-09-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

Guys, for real now, what the heck.

I read cookbooks for fun now. Not like in a "oh man I'm so pressured to be a perfect little woman" sort of way. No. Honestly, Jason would be the happiest man ever if he just ordered pizza every night. And it's not like anybody in my new ward knows who I am (ex: phone call yesterday began like this: "Hi, this is ___...Who are you? Are you in our ward?" like I already had everybody memorized and would KNOW who SHE was...) so no pressure there.

Nope, I've just legitimately gone crazy, and now I read cookbooks for fun. Also, I'm having a love affair with my new rice cooker.

Gross, you guys. I'm super weird now.

So don't even get me started on the fact that I now have a toaster oven for the first time ever and did you KNOW that you can make pita pizzas in there WHILE you cook others in the oven so if you happen to live with somebody who eats as much as 3/4 normal people on average (no really. I've compared eating habits to those of all my former roommates/family members) you can just crank those little things out??

And I just want to be in our apartment all of the time. Like, I don't get why nobody wants to come over and watch me unpack boxes/clean things/go grocery shopping all the time, because isn't that super fun??

Although, just to give you a break from gagging because I'm so out of control right now, I will let you know that this blog entry is partially sponsored by the fact that I don't really want to clean our floors right now. Partially because we don't own a broom or a mop (although we DO own every beautiful or useful kitchen gadget you could ever dream of almost.) So it will be me and a rag and three cheap little floors (ooo. Four. front entry BLAH.) in just a few moments.

But now that I've confessed that I feel guilty. I'm off. But I'll leave you with this, something I need to remember every day now it seems:
"The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous."-Margot Fonteyn

xoxo

Behind

2011-09-05T13:49:00.001-07:00

When I was growing up, I was the youngest in my class.

It was great in my head, because in my head boys would only like you if you were younger than them, so I felt totally covered on that front.

But in real life, it was not always so awesome.

For example, one time I turned 14. It was this big, huge deal for me, because I was finally a Mia Maid, and I could go to dances (that I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to) and I thought everybody should be impressed.

But too bad for me, all of my friends were turning 15.

"Guys, 15 is not that cool, but it is one year away from 16, which is when our whole lives will begin. So let's start counting down NOW." Because really, isn't that what 15 was about for everyone? This is not sarcastic. I really do think most of 15 is spent hoping for 16.

And I was over on the sides like, "Hey, guys, isn't it totally awesome that I can now go to dances that I don't want to go to?! Guys?!"

I sort of felt like that again this summer. (Even though, disclaimer, this summer was obviously the biggest, best, and most important of my life. Oh, and happiest, in case I didn't mention that.)

But sometimes I think that maybe I always just feel behind. Like my life is this big catch-up game, where I am never quite where all my friends are/where I want to be. So I jump back and forth between wanting to talk and share anyway, because who cares if I am always the one bringing up the rear, hmm? Or just sitting back and listening, because maybe I could actually learn something if I would just hush for a few minutes.

I don't know yet, guys. I have these stories that are sweet, and things I have learned, and misadventures that make me laugh every time I think of them.

What the heck. I'm going to share. At least one, and then..............who knows. Stay tuned, loved ones and lovers alike.
xoxo

Summary

2011-08-22T12:48:00.001-07:00

Let's be honest. Jason and I were not super good at dating.

But I think we are really good at being married to each other.

I think this is perfectly logical. We all have our talents. Dating was not ours, but that is no reason for us not to be perfectly happy married.

And in case you were wondering, at the risk of being completely over-the-top, I will tell you:

I am perfectly happy.

We interrupt this blog with a nickname

2011-07-29T08:29:00.001-07:00

"You little cookie, you!"

Yes, someone just said that to me! I thought my sisters and my little cousin Alex were the only people who called other people COOKIE!

I am now filled with the irrational desire to call everyone I see cookie. In the same German accent I just heard it in.

Douze

2011-07-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Day 12 - What's in Your Bag

Hahahahahahahahaha.

E.M. Forster's book "A Room with a View"
Cool Mint Listerine Antiseptic
forever 21 clutch wallet
pain medication
deodorant
the box for my ring
contacts
hot pink underwear (there is a reason - this is for trying on swimsuits. which clearly cannot be done with garments.)
make-up
sunglasses
chapstick
bags and reciepts to help me remember what I need to order next
retainer
ritz peanut butter crackers (because yes, I have to eat all the time with pain meds)
AfterBite The Itch Eraser
birth control
badge for work
post-it note reminders
change
jewelry
tissues
hair clip
IcyHot pain relieving cream
a pen
hair ties
doTERRA Slim and Sassy (maybe when my body stops freaking out i'll go back to that)
doTERRA Peppermint
a yellow flower hair clip
a small container of bubbles

maybe i shouldn't admit to these sorts of things?

Vingt Deux, Vingt Trois

2011-07-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

I did warn that these would be out of order...

Day 22 - Something That Upsets You
Day 23 - Something That Makes You Feel Better
Famous People Edition

Justin Timberlake upsets me. He was recently all over the internet grabbing the chest of his new movie co-star. If you'll recall, this isn't a new one for JT. And honestly? It makes me sick that a grown man who is appealing to young girls and women feels that he can disrespect one of them on national television like it's nothing. Isn't there a mother somewhere for him?

Emma Watson makes me feel better. She was the most darling as a child (did you see the screen test? Awww.) She is the cutest now. I love pretending I could imitate her style, I love listening to her interviews, and I loved her sweetness and sincerity at the premiere in London. It is rare that I find myself truly impressed with an actress today, but I currently am with her. I think she makes me feel better so much because she seems genuinely happy.

And finally, my friend Matt Snodgrass passsed away yesterday. You can donate to the cancer survivor charity he started here, and you can send all your golf-loving friends to the tournament. And I'll stop complaining about my own pain by remembering that he fought off a maglignant brain tumor that he was diagnosed with at age 9 and still loved life, so what the heck is wrong with me, hmmm?

Do some good.
Be Emma; don't be Justin.
Forgive me for being out of order.
Be happy.
Be spontaneous.

Love.

onze part 1

2011-07-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

seriously, you say, seriously?

yes.

Day 11 - Your Siblings

I can't do it all in one day.

1. I'm engaged. Apparently that scrambles your brain. Seriously.
or maybe the brain scrambling comes from...
2. I just had surgery. I am in so. much. pain. If you ever want to hear some serious complaining, call me up and ask me to sit down. I'll cry right there into the phone for you. No charge.
3. My siblings are THE BEST. And cannot be compared or combined. At least not today.

SOOOO we will start with the middle child! Because dude, let's be real, that like never happens. (Sidenote: starting in the middle needs to become a new trend. I'm currently having a crisis over the fact that my children's last name will start with H. They will always just be chilling in the middle of everything alphabetical instead of just getting it over with. My brother says this is a ridiculous thing to be upset about. He is likely correct.)

ANNE MARIE.

She blogs HERE. And is much funnier than me.

She is hair that matches mine, except that hers is not quite as thick. Also, it is more blonde because she is at home where she can spend time in the sunshine.

She's REALLY smart. She loves books like they ought to be loved, and then maybe a little more. She's really good at keeping the peace in our house. She's genuine and loyal. She can memorize like nobody else except for my dad with sports trivia. She, more than any of the rest of us, insists on doing things her own way. She somehow manages to do this quietly. I always think she should go into English, but she has this love of science still unexplained that she is pursuing, and I think it's fantastic. April Fool's Day might be her favorite holiday. Just kidding, but when she was little that might have been true. She loves music. She loves to laugh.

I love her.

Also, this weekend, we watched a few minutes of Despicable Me while I tried to recover from surgery, which made me happy because it reminds me of her. The little girl in the pink hat that opens this clip could have been Anne Marie as a small child if we were orphaned. And yeah, this is the part we watched together. We love minions.

DIX

2011-07-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

Day 10 - What you wore today

Green dress, white skirt underneath, black wedges, engagement ring.

What?! Yeah. I know.

You can sign up for your invite HERE.

I love love love love all of you!

Neuf

2011-07-04T08:14:00.001-07:00

I believe in love.
I believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of mankind.
I believe in kindness.
I believe in patience and perseverance.
I believe in the importance of freedom.
I believe in right and wrong.
I believe in Jason and myself.
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I believe it to be the true church.

Also, as you can see, I'm getting married.

Huit

2011-06-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Day 08 - A Moment

I have decided I can probably re-create it for you. :)

Sept

2011-06-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

Day 07 - Your Best Friend

After yesterday's hate-filled post, I feel like I owe everyone an apology. Not necessarily for all that I said, because I did mean some of it, but more for the angry way I said it. I'm sorry. If you're in the area, I'd love to take you out to frozen yogurt. And I feel it only appropriate that today's post be something much lighter, happier, and good.

It does present a serious difficulty though. I could take this in a spiritual direction, or a family discussion, or I could talk about Jason. I think instead, however, I'll talk about Marissa and Natalie. (I think it's the obvious choice.)

Please note: it is our curse that we do not photograph well together. Ever. It just doesn't happen. So I have attached a photo of Marissa's puppy when he was a tiny puppy. A) because of the whole "man's best friend" thing B) because he's cute C) he is featured with a basketball. A volleyball might have been better, but I'll take it. (Sorry for stealing, Marissa!!)

My two best friends are the best thing in the world. Especially for me. I can talk to them about anything in the world. Actually, I'm having a really hard time writing this because there are so many things spilling out of me that I want to spill onto the keyboard and into the blog. Favorite memories, best conversations, happiest times, silliest adventures...

Newport beach and the temple open house with Marissa. Breaking into Natalie's own house with her after that terrible movie. Reading the scriptures with Natalie before we tried to sleep in her backyard...only to have the sprinklers attack us. Dance classes with Marissa at the UNLV gym. The two of them planning all my birthdays in high school after I decided to stop having parties because of Ryan. The three of us being lucky enough to go to Tim McGraw concerts together.

They are the BEST. Seriously. I love them both.

Make it or Break it

2011-06-13T13:59:00.001-07:00

"If you feel the need to prove them wrong, it means you currently think they're right. That's your real problem."

I know I shouldn't get quotes from silly TV shows, but you know...sometimes they fit. And today, that is true. I've been obsessing all weekend - scratch that. I've been obsessing basically since I met Jason about what other people have said.

"He better have held your hand by now." "Has he kissed you yet?" "Are you guys official yet?" "Have you met his parents yet?" "Um, please tell me you guys have at least talked about marriage, because if not that is just ridiculous." "Are you engaged yet?" "Are you engaged yet?" "Are you engaged yet?" "Are you engaged yet?"

And then there are the little ones.

"Does he say this to you?" "Does he act like this around that person with you?" "Do you guys do this?" "Do you guys go here?" "Do you talk about things like my husband and I do? Because that is the best way." "You know, you really need to have that conversation. But you should have it in this way and in this place and only if these three conditions are in place."

"I really don't feel like I know enough about how you guys discuss sex."

"I really feel like he's moving too slowly."

"I don't like the way his family does this."

"I want your relationship to look more like my relationship with my husband."

"I really want your timeline to match the one I had when I was dating my husband."

And all the while, I have stories I don't share because I am sick of comments like these. The people I love MOST in my life get gyped out of hearing things just because I don't want to talk about it anymore. I feel guilty about saying when I'm happy because of people who are unhappy and don't want to talk about love. I get scared to talk about imperfections in our relationship because I've heard it over-analyzed so many times. I shy away from telling the very best news, because people expect it to be instantly followed by better news. I put pressure on him and on myself to perform to everybody else's expectations, and we both end up scared, frustrated, and upset.

And that's why. Because I am afraid everybody else is right. I have said all along that when it's just the two of us, everything is perfect. Everything is wonderful. And it's not anybody else's fault that other things get in the way - it's mine. It's mine for listening to doubts and fears and for that feeling I always have in the pit of my stomach that if EVERYTHING is not perfect, then the whole thing is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Unsalvagable. Unsaveable.

But it's not true. Human beings make mistakes. Relationships take work and they are all different.

I'd love to respond by just turning off my phone for a few days and just focusing on dance this weekend and spending time with Jason. But that is no way to handle things. (Spewing out anger on a blog is bad too, but let's be real...it's not like this post is going to stay up long. And it needs to be said.)

I'm just finally going to learn to have some confidence. I'm going to face those insecurities that tell me I'm not good enough for him, that tell me we're not going to make it, and that everything I do is wrong. Whether that comes from strangers who have no business talking about my life, the people I love, or my own head, it is time for me to face it. Fight back. Quit curling up in a ball or running away like I've done my whole life.

I don't really know how to do this. But I know it has to be done.

Day 06 - Your Day. Having nothing to do at work equals too much time in my own head.

Cinq

2011-06-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

Day 05 - Your Definition of Love

It's all right HERE. All of it. My favorite talk of all time. I cried when it was given, and I cry every time I read it. It's perfect. The way it was given, the person who gave it, and every word it says.

That's love.

(If you're ever going to read one link I put up, that should be the one. Here, I'll put it up again: LOVE.) :)

Quatre

2011-06-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

Day 04 - What You Ate Today

Breakfast, leftovers, and a sandwich that ended up being much more spicy than I anticipated.

***

I'm dancing in a concert just outside of Zion's National Park next weekend. Want to go? You could go hiking all day before...I have a place you could stay...I have a bio in the program... That last point probably isn't a selling point for you, but seriously I think it's the coolest part. I don't even care if the bad people read that and show up, because it will support the arts. Also, I'm so underqualified for the whole thing that it will be impossible to even notice me. I'm so excited.

Trois

2011-06-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

Day 03 - Your Parents

My parents. You guys. I love them.

I'd really love to clutter up this whole post with pictures of them, because they are the cutest, but unfortunately I don't really have lots with me at the moment. (I need to start blogging from my laptop.) Also, my mom tends to hate all pictures of herself. Also, my dad is sort of anti-social media, so there aren't really many pictures of him floating around out there either.

The irony of the above is that my dad loves people. LOVES them. We can't go to a restaurant anywhere in the country without him seeing somebody he knows, and being so thrilled about it. He loves laughing with the youth, he loves helping people through their problems, he loves hearing stories about geneology - he just loves everyone. I think that's why he loves history so much, too. And he's dedicated. Both my parents know how to WORK. My mom will stay up all night long working on something, and then be ready in the morning to cook breakfast for whichever kid is going to seminary. She has patience like you would not believe. She wants the very best for everybody around her - it's probably one of her biggest driving forces. She's incredibly musically talented. It's just a part of her being in a way I probably can't describe.

When I was little, we had a book called "My Dad the Magnificent." I sometimes feel like just walking around saying that all the time, about both of my parents. They truly are wonderful people. I love them both so much.

Deux

2011-06-06T08:42:00.001-07:00

Day 02 - Your First Love

I'm not exactly avoiding this question. I mostly just don't know how to answer it.

For example, I feel like acceptable answers to this question would be:

Jerusalem

The Ocean (I picked that picture because it is the background on my work phone. So pretty, right?)

Ice Cream

Music

Dance

My Family

But maybe we're talking romantic love here? In which case, do I start with the first boy I had a crush on, or my first serious relationship? (If the latter, then yes. I'm avoiding the question.) How much love, exactly, is required in order for it to be a first love? Because part of me only wants one person on that "love" list, and really only one person deserves to be on THAT list.

We could also talk about boys in books, because I have a theory that many of my earliest crushes were based off of love stories in books. Gilbert Blythe, you guys. Not so much because I loved his character, but because I loved Anne Shirley. And in order to be Anne, it stands to reason that you must loathe and despise a certain impudent young man in your class, who will someday pursue you through thick and thin and end up being your wonderful doctor husband. Right? (Well, when you are 8, the subconscious answer is, "Of course!")

Truthfully, I don't think there is a "best answer" to this question. But I do think all the things listed above are important. And now I desperately want to go to Jerusalem, dance in the ocean, visit my family, laugh at old memories, and then most of all, take Jason to Israel.

That very last phrase feels like an acceptable answer for Day 05, too.

Première

2011-06-03T10:35:00.001-07:00

30 day challenge. I definitely picked the most embarrassing one I could find, and I already plan on cheating for most of these. Also, my 30 days will not be in a row. Fair warning.

But here is what you get to look forward to! Hooray!

Day 01 - Introduce Yourself
Day 02 - Your First Love (Don't trust whatever I put here)
Day 03 - Your Parents
Day 04 - What You Ate Today (Most thrilling blog entry to date, I'd wager)
Day 05 - Your Definition Of Love (Um.)
Day 06 - Your Day
Day 07 - Your Best Friend
Day 08 - A Moment (AKA a typical blog entry)
Day 09 - Your Beliefs
Day 10 - What You Wore Today
Day 11 - Your Siblings
Day 12 - What's In Your Bag
Day 13 - This Week
Day 14 - What You Wore Today
Day 15 - Your First Kiss (Also plan to cheat this one. Or play Laura's "True or False" game.)
Day 16 - Your Dreams (Another candidate for plagiarizing the "True or False" idea.)
Day 17 - Your Favorite Birthday
Day 18 - Your Favorite Memory
Day 19 - Something You Regret (Goal: not to write "this 30 day thing" on that day)
Day 20 - This Month
Day 21 - Another Moment
Day 22 - Something That Upsets You
Day 23 - Something That Makes You Feel Better (I kind of like what they did there.)
Day 24 - Something That Makes You Cry
Day 25 - A First
Day 26 - Your Fears
Day 27 - Your Favorite Place (I'll take guesses on this one now...)
Day 28 - Something That You Miss
Day 29 - Your Aspirations
Day 30 - One Last Moment

I am actually pretty proud of myself for writing those down exactly as they came and not taking creative license at all. By that I mean that I wrote the days down correctly, and added my commentary in parenthesis. I think that might have been obvious.

ALSO
Day 01 - Introduce Yourself
Hi. I'm Jeanette. I sort of feel like introducing yourself on a blog you've had for a few years is a little redundant. I have an awesome job, and I miss the sunshine. I tend to make trips to visit it often. I miss school, which is probably evident from the fact that I am taking on this challenge as a writing prompt and pretending that it exists in a black notebook with lined paper that will be turned in at the end of 15 minutes for a pass/fail grade, sometimes returned with comments written in red ink on the side.

Impatience

2011-06-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

I think I'd rather write for a prompt than out of my own head right now, because I'm soooo high school like that. (Ha. Not. I spent high school pleading with my teachers to let me write on my own. Although not in AP I guess.)

Unfortunately, the only blogging prompts I can think of are 30 day challenges. I do not approve.

However, if nobody suggests a better idea before tomorrow, I'm totally picking that trend up.

Also, maybe tomorrow I will post a picture of the purple flowers I got yesterday. But that would mean you're putting some faith in the reliability of my camera phone so maybe don't count on that too much. Just know that they are really pretty.

Goal

2011-05-27T13:12:00.001-07:00

Seriously, guys. If I can pull stuff like this off someday, I'll feel like I'm doing pretty well.

Explanation

2011-05-24T11:18:00.001-07:00

I feel like maybe I just want to add one more thing to this morning's post: most of the things I want to write about, I can't. Mostly because of my job. Which I definitely understand. And it's not always that. But sometimes, like today, it would really be nice to just write it.

In related news, anybody wanna have dinner in the next week and just talk for a couple of hours?

xoxo

Mind Blocked

2011-05-24T07:13:00.001-07:00

Guys, I can't blog.

For real, I'll open a post, and there is nothing coming through my fingers. Blank. Empty.

There is so much to write about! So many adventures, thoughts, new ideas, old ideas revisited, people I love, places I'm visiting, changing events...

And none of them can make it to the "publish post" stage. Most never make it to the "draft" stage.

I don't even have a video, photo, or link to another blog to keep you entertained today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Deepest love for you and regrets for my sloth,

Jeanette

Yeah, this post is ridiculous. Probably should just skip it and move on to the next...

2011-05-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

I am throwing a bit (ha. a bit.) of a fit right now, but in honor of having been told to "get over myself" I bring you Eden's Crush with "Get Over Yourself."

If you aren't aware of this particular group, it's probably a good thing. It means you never watched ridiculous shows as a child when your parents weren't home/you never watched anything just because you saw how somebody older than you could rock curly hair.

Rock on.

I can't even watch it right now. It's too much. Maybe just listen to it if you are super curious? Hahahaha. That's what I'm doing. Totally just listening.

Better Attitude

2011-04-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not upset about this whole losing weight thing anymore. (Read: not as upset.) I think it's probably a really good idea, and Whit sent me lots of good diets to try.

I've decided I'm going to start small, though. Jason and I will not be eating out at all anymore (I may make an exception for weekends if I'm good during the week) and if I buy my lunch at work, I have made a deal with the girl I go to lunch with that I can only eat half at lunch, and the other half at my desk later. Also, we are limiting ourselves to broth-based soups, salads, and sandwiches.

I'm going to do the 5-6 little meals per day rather than fewer, bigger meals. (Read: prepare for food better - not just think "Oh! Yeah! It's time to eat now...shoot...")

I'm cutting out mayo, ranch, and slashing my butter intake (I have to put it on the crusts of my toast, but I don't have to put it in the middle.) I am also cutting out chocolate at work. At night, I'm going to copy my cousin and drink lots of water when I think I'm hungry, and have frozen grapes. Mmm.

After 2 weeks, if I'm not losing, I will go on an actual established diet. Probably the Whitney/Brad combo, with a few alterations.

Your encouragement and tips are appreciated. :)

Blech.

2011-04-22T12:50:00.001-07:00

So, let's just say it. My mother is bribing me to lose weight. Yeah, I sort of am not super thrilled about saying that. BUT, I guess it happens. 10 pounds total, and I have until the end of June to do so. Why am I here, confessing my shame to the world?

Well, because I need to know how to do that. Tips? Advice? Promises to go running with me/keep me from eating? Bring it on.

No, really. Please. I'd like to get this over with.
XOXO

Cooking Catastrophe

2011-04-19T15:04:00.001-07:00

So, sometimes when I think of what I want to cook for dinner, I get intimidated by certain dishes. Sometimes, when I finally get around to cooking them, I think, "Wow! That was easy and delicious!" And sometimes...last night happens.

I have been wanting to cook 3 Pepper Soup for AGES. I finally got around to it yesterday, and it started out so well! Everything smelled lovely, I had done a good job with all of my produce, and look how pretty those peppers look sauteing in a little bit of butter and onions:

Ah! So lovely. Also, you cook this soup with Boursin cheese, but I was only using half of it, so there was another half to eat with Wheat Thins...mmmm.

Anyway, eventually, things started to fall apart a bit. I had to put the whole concoction (all that you see above and then some) into the blender. There was really no good way to do this. How do the rest of you manage that? How did my mother do it?! I did it slowly, painfully, with a ladle. And then it just would not blend. The bottom would, but the top would not, no matter how many times I stirred. And then, just as I was finally getting somewhere, the bottom of the blender twisted open and the lovely soup started spilling all over my counters.

I managed to save most of it, and finish it off, and walk sadly over to the couch where Jason was working on homework. I felt exactly like Meg in Little Women when she ruins all of the jam. Jason reacted about the same way that John did in the book, putting his arms around me and telling me it would be wonderful and trying OH so hard not to burst out into the laughter I could tell he was holding in.

I never did get it right. It tasted absolutely heavenly, but I don't think you are supposed to have to chew soup. Fortunately, Jason is the sort of person who is wonderful enough to overlook such inadequacies, and he claims chewing your soup makes it feel like there is more substance to it anyway.

(Sad picture of me putting the meal together. You are all free to laugh, and yes that is only 1/4 of a pitcher of pink lemonade I put on the table.)
Fortunately, as I said, it really did taste good. And perhaps even more fortunately for Jason, who ate 3 big bowls full, we then went to FHE where my lovely, accomplished bishop's wife had made food for everyone.

Maybe someday I'll get there, guys. But that's what experimenting is all about, right? :)

little miracles and big ones

2011-04-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

So, as you've noticed from my last post, "enter" doesn't really do anything on this computer as far as blog posts are concerned. Going back through and trying to edit doesn't do anything either. So I sort of wanted to write this like one long run-on sentence, and I'm kind of excited, so...this morning I woke up, and I was kind of tired, because you know - that'll happen when Jason is gone all weekend long to finish out March Madness in person, and then I didn't see him right after work because I already had plans with Whitney and then he was supposed to have a basketball game at 9, which is already pretty late, but we ended up waiting around for it waaaay later than 9 because the other games were running behind, which was OK because we just walked around and around the building and he told me all his stories about playing The Professor and watching the games and how Butler couldn't pick their feet up because they had left it all out on the court after that amazing game against VCU; and he told me about the people he talked to, and I talked a little bit about some stories that were not nearly as exciting so I didn't talk as much, and then finally finally FINALLY it was time for his game. It was terrible. It was worse because everyone kept comparing them to Butler, and then it was finally over and we ate pizza and talked and talked some more and I probably should have gone to bed earlier than I did, but I didn't. However, when I woke up this morning (which took some doing) I was about to just sweep my hair up into a bun, but because of Tyra's new website, I did my hair in a cute, messy braid instead and I thought, "Hey, I actually kind of like that." So I put on some pretty make-up and put together a nice-looking outfit and thought, "Hey, even though I'm running late, I actually look quite nice!" And it was a good thing all of that happened becuase then I got to work and I had to run an errand and there was the living prophet of God. And there is absolutely nothing, NOTHING, even going back to Jerusalem that could have made me happier on April 6th. I am the happiest girl in the whole wide world. And there is nothing more important, either.

Gray

2011-03-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

I used to hate the color gray. I think it came from where I grew up. Grey isn't really a color there, at least it wasn't for me. The place is a desert; yards are brown fighting to be green, the sky is blue, and the issues are black and white. I also hated black. When I went to college, blue skies were no longer a daily occurance, but something I waited and longed for every day. People were more confusing, I realized wearing black was OK, and after a while, grey became my favorite color. It was soothing; it was undefined like everything else. It was new. It's pretty much a staple for everyone these days - a girl in my office just told me her wedding colors in a few months are going to be yellow and grey. When I was in high school, I would have laughed at her. Yellow and grey do not say the same things. Today, I appreciate how pretty they will look together in the dresses she described and I forget all about it until I realize they fit into this blog post. There are a lot of things that are still black and white, but I have found that sometimes I hate them in conversations. Most conversations, I feel, should not be black or white, and they should not be all grey. Conversations need to be in color. They don't need to be a fight, they don't need to be a concession (always.) They need to be a conversation. This is especially frustrating with a recent project. I am helping somebody out - or trying to. Example: note that the man in question was asking about a huge list of things unrelated anything going on. Great that he was curious, not great that he was asking about things I could not help him with. "Do they support it or not?" "Sir, as I've already mentioned, the entity in question is politically neutral, so they're not going to come out and be in support or rejection of any issue like this..." "So they don't support it?" "(basic repeat of above)" "Do they support it or not?" "(direct quotation with citation from the entity's website and official statement.)" "Do they support it or not?" "Sir, I don't really know how to explain this any more clearly. They are not going to support or reject anything; that's political neutrality. They have other things they do support that could be related, as I just mentioned, which include..." "Do they support it or not? Isn't this your job to know these things? I called *your* office to get an answer!" "And I'm trying to explain to you, sir..." "(explaination of who he is and why he deserves an answer.)" "I appreciate..." "Do they support it or not?" "Sir, I don't think I'm doing a very good job of answering your question. Let me transfer you to someone else who knows more about the situation than I do and can probably do a better job." "I've been transferred four times already!" "And this will be the last time. Here you go!" I guess that's what you do when black and white fails and you're not allowed to use grey. You just walk away. On a side note, political neutrality is not gray. It's just...nothing. And yes, the person on the phone likely has an opinion, or maybe even a "side" (dang black and white) but it should be fairly easy to understand that any group of people are free to have their own individual opinions but not present any of them in that group setting. I watched Eat, Pray, Love, and the Italians in that movie would say that the problem is Americans who cannot accept "the sweetness of doing nothing." I'm starting to believe it. ALSO I just watched this awesome guy zooming around the floor on the craziest contraption ever. Somewhere between cherry picker, RC car, and those weird motorized standing scooters police officers in other places zoom around on. Unrelated, but this post is probably dragging a bit and I figured I could throw something interesting in there for you...

For Lauren

2011-03-21T14:33:00.001-07:00

That dress is not the dress I wore to work on St. Patrick's day. But it IS the dress I bought with Whit last week, and it's close to green, and it's much prettier in person.
As an added bonus, the dress below is the one I want when it goes on sale. Just think of the cute sweater/boot combinations I can wear with it...

Another Piano Thing...

2011-03-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

I think I may have posted something from this guy before, but I love this song. And I can't imagine the effort and practice it would take for me to convince my hands to play the same song without being right next to each other.

I had the best day ever yesterday. Seriously. And I'm wearing a pretty green dress to work today.

Happy St. Patrick's day!

Good Practice

2011-03-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

I'll confess: I've sort of been feeling sorry for myself this week. Off and on. It's been a great week, but sort of...well, it's had this underlying stress the whole time.

Yeah, sort of like that. :)
I made a list for Jason on Monday of all the things I needed to buy this week. Well, I texted it to him. I think he thought I was kidding and that it was funny, but then I sent him the rest of the list. And then I added a new one to it this morning.
I'm not very good at this - making the big purchases. Example: laptop. I have only owned one laptop in my life. It was a gift I was given while still living at home in high school, although I didn't use it at all until I got to college. It lasted through thick and thin until a few weeks ago, where it died, was cracked open, and most of the internal organs were able to be saved. The hard drive was at war with itself in six different ways. All of this leaves me with this dilemma: now what? I've never bought a laptop in my life! I've only ever had one! I'm having flashbacks of car shopping over the summer! I have literally taken over Jason's...it is sitting by my bed in my apartment right now. I'm sort of just making this one up as I go.
I also need to get my own cell phone plan by the 7th. Because, you know, that's totally something I'm good at - making millions of decisions all at the same time. I need to change our apartment's internet, too, and dang it, while I'm at it, where is our gas bill?? That needs to be paid ASAP. Along with my tithing. Hopefully Sunday is less stressful this week so I can remember that. Oh no! Sunday! I promised to make breakfast for the presidency, because they are all either brand new or about to get married, so we've experienced a huge lack of unity in the past several weeks that makes me crazy. So I should probably plan that ASAP...
This is too much, isn't it? I'm just exploding all over here.
But wait! I need to finish now!
I tried to shop around for a new couch for us, but got bogged down in the rest of my list/church calling/wanting to cry for my poor school/making dinner/going to class/SLEEP. I'm also supposed to be signing up for classes, at least one online class for my minor I decided so I'm not wasting my life, but just thinking about that makes me want to cry right now.
Hang on. I'm almost done.
Add to all this the stress of my dreams about bombs in Libya and starvation and mutilation in Africa and I really just think I'm going to curl up at home after work today and hope that it all goes away. No, I'll be fine. This article helps with the dreams, Jason helps with the stress, and in a few days this will all be over.

And anyway, who am I to think I could avoid this? This is what always happens to my parents. "The washer broke, the dishwasher broke, we are in the middle of re-doing the floors, and a windstorm necessitates repainting half the house!" Yeah, it's frustrating. But it's just the way it goes sometimes.

Deep breath. I've got this.
Thanks for listening, blog. You're a real pal. Sorry I always do this to you.
If you ever want me to just stay away unlessI have a nice, long, happy post just for you, just say the word. I've got lots of those, too. You know. :)

things fall apart

2011-02-27T16:13:00.001-08:00

We went with my roommates to the Cheesecake Factory yesterday...which was awesome. Can I just say how much I love my new roommates? I still call them new even though they're not so much new anymore. Also, Jason bought me a chocolate mousse cheesecake, so I guess that makes my feelings about HIM pretty clear, too.

Anyway, I'm really not just getting on the internet to tell you about all the awesome food I ate yesterday. (By the way, I am aware of how much I wrote/talked about food for the past month and a half. And I'm ready to confess: it was all backlash to the anti-food commercials/ads everywhere just after New Year's. Yeah. I will rebel against your insanity by talking about every soup recipie I tried in the month of January.)

The TRUE point of this post is that I was thinking about my roommates, and I was remembering how I begged the masses online to come live with me, and ta-da! Now we have fun and go out to eat and stuff. So I thought...maybe it could work again...

We need a couch. Seriously. We have the BEST (bar none) landlords in the world, but there have been at least two couches destined for our apartment in the past few months, and both have fallen through with a deafening crash.

Our current couch has a hide-a-bed, which is lovely until you pull it out and realize it has completely pulled away from the springs and you will fall straight through to the ground. It has three cushions that have been smashed so that they don't even come close to fitting on the couch anymore, and you find that you are never sitting on what is left of the cushion but actually are sitting on the bar. A few throw pillows have been added, but even they have fallen prey to the curse of this couch and constantly shed on guests and break open despite being both covered and re-covered. Should you attempt to sit far enough back to avoid the painful bar everyone else has resigned themselves to sit on by this point, you will find that the back of the couch sucks you in, until you are completely unable to extract yourself without help or unseemly motions.

OK, fine. I'm actually not exaggerating the details at all (for once), but it's really not the end of the world to have a couch that causes you trouble. It's far better, for one thing, than having no couch at all. But it's just old, and it was fine originally but has gradually fallen apart and our efforts to fix it are just laughed at by the poor old couch. It wants to be done, guys. But we must desperately cling to it until something else presents itself. Every time we have tried ourselves, though, we can't quite make it work. No other couch has come to live in our apartment.

So please...help?

edit

2011-02-23T11:35:00.000-08:00

It has been a beautiful couple of weeks. I danced on the beach with my cousins, Jason and I toured gorgeous ice castles, and I got to sit and talk to all of my sisters for hours.
I should really just leave it at that, and after careful consideration, I'm going to. :)

So if you care to find me, look to the Western skies

2011-02-08T11:32:00.001-08:00

Hello, my beautiful, lovely readers. Guess what today is? Today is the day I take off for an adventure I booked my flight for almost 6 months ago. Unfortunately, some of my readers are probably thinking, "India?! Puerto Rico?!" No, guys. I'm staying in the country on an absolutely amazing deal.

But lest you feel dissapointed with that news, I'd like to point out that I'm going to one of my FAVORITE places to see some of my FAVORITE people, including my soul sister of an aunt (think less Train lyrics and more Anne Shirley lingo) and my brand new baby cousin!!

Basically, I'm just giddy with excitement, and I wanted to share it with anybody who happens to stumble upon this blog today. And even Google has gotten into the celebration by celebrating Jules Verne, author of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, which means that their logo has the ocean vibe I have been sending out in excess.

See??

Au revoir, pretty snow and the beautiful mornings I see in this city. I'll be back next week, even happier than I could ever be just sitting here, because I'm going to go see the ocean!!! :)

Do not be alarmed at my photo - I just need new tights.

2011-02-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

I would like these tights for Valentine's Day, please. I would also like for them to stop showing up on all the ads whenever I try to listen to music on my computer.

And in case you were wondering if these tights would be work-appropriate, I have a theory that if the outfit overall is really conservative, you can have sillier accessories. I'm thinking a long black skirt and my cute pink sweater for these. Or the red shirt I'm wearing today.

Little Doris Now Sleeps with the Fishes

2011-01-18T07:54:00.000-08:00

My sister is way better at blogging than I am. It's a true fact. Usually, I'm totally fine with that, but then sometimes I think, "maybe sometimes she would want me to write SOMETHING since she's over there rocking everybody's socks off with her awesome posts and I've got nothing over here for her."

So, Sister, I'd like you to know that I had the most beautiful weekend ever.

I did lots of lovely things, but let's talk about the aquarium!!

It was amazing. They have these penguins there that swim so fast - they're just crazy to watch! And we went to a presentation about sea jellies, and I learned lots of super cool things (including which ones will hurt you and which ones will not. This is good information for swimming in the ocean I decided.) And there was this octopus! It was amazing! They were playing with it while we were there - they had toys in there and everything. It was crawling around the tank and seriously, it was just amazing. I loved it. Also, Jason pet the sting rays with me and he had never done that before!! (I know. Deprived.) Plus there were lots of pretty fish, and a rainforest exhibit, and a shock-meter for the electric eel, and those colorful poisonous frogs Brother used to love so much, and all sorts of other things. I loved every minute of it. We're going to go back someday so that we can feed the penguins. Feed the penguins! I know, right?!

Hopefully this post makes you go from a little happy to LOTS OF HAPPY!! :)

A picture says how many words?

2010-12-12T16:54:00.000-08:00

This is my friend Dennis, and he is here to remind you of one of two things:

1. It could always be worse.

2. Look for ways to make the mundane memorable (exciting).

The Royal We?

2010-12-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, the expressions people use make me laugh.

I can distinctly remember being in seventh grade science and hearing my (seriously awesome) teacher tell a student she "could care less" with a lovely, carefree expression. As much as I adored this teacher, I know I made a face and thought to myself, "She couldn't care less. I don't understand why she just said that..."

Anyway. Today I got another one of those. And to be fair, I should probably preface by stating that I've been off and on sick all week, and my boss has a theory that having a cold makes everyone snarky. Possibly.

But these types of conversations do make me laugh: "I got your email. Do we know what this means?"
In my head, I raise one eyebrow (impossible in real life) and say, "Well, apparently WE don't, but since I sent it to you, yes. Yes, I know what I sent. Will there be anything else?"
(See? Definite snark detected there.)
In real life, I say, "Well, I sent you (summary of email) and asked for (information)..."
(subtle snark? I'm hoping not...)
"Yes," the interruption comes, "but I don't understand."
"Oh! Well, I just need (information.)" (Again. Because honestly, there isn't a simpler way of stating what I need.)
"Oh! Well, (information I needed.)" (As if this were obvious.)
"Great! Thanks!"

And I'm left to wonder what in the world made the third time the charm, but content to know that now WE know what is going on around here.

PS Bonus points if you watched Lie to Me, where they had an episode called "The Royal We" lately. And I will never watch House again. Even though it now has the girl from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and she's brilliant.

It seems like a little much, but what do I know?

2010-11-23T12:18:00.000-08:00

I hereby dub today "Apocalypse Tuesday."

Seriously. I have seen things cancelled today that I never thought would be. It is a Big Deal.

I had to pick up some supplies for work at the store and if I would have thought about it then instead of now, I would have taken a video on my cell phone. It was crazy. Thanksgiving + enormous storm = complete panic. Run on the grocery store.

Enjoy your movie marathons tonight if you are in the area!

I love Emerson

2010-11-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

...and I love that this is true.

Happy Sunday. :)

This face is what you missed if you didn't come see me Saturday:

2010-11-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

You guys, I seriously love Halloween.

The haunted house we built turned out amazingly well. I know I'm fairly committed to not posting pictures that show faces on this blog, but I might break down and post the video. I might not be able to help it. And really...mine is probably the only recognizable face on there anyway...we'll see.

It was good for me because I got to be super creative - painting tons of masks for one hallway, endless t-shirts to push through in another hallway, help with make-up, styling, designing, etc. and still never actually had to had the whole "going through a haunted house terror" experience.

Of course, the guy pictured above kept poking me every time I walked past him. It's OK. His wife threw poppers at him.

Honestly, it was just fun. I loved helping my brother practice creepy walks, I loved listening to my cousin, Jason's sister and her friend hiss at teenagers, I loved the dry ice, I loved the boys popping out of the coffin to give me a thumbs-up, I loved how Jason's eyelashes stuck out past his mask, I loved walking through our make-shift graveyard with my candelabra, I loved passing out candy during our break, and I loved the lights.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I consider the entire night a success because this cute little girl saw me and said, "Oh! Look! She's so pretty!" and a grown man saw me and said, "Wow, she's definitely the creepiest looking one they have!"

Everyone is already planning next year.

Also, I'm really excited for Thanksgiving. And maybe it's cheesy, but I get the biggest kick of everyone posting things they're thankful for all month. It makes me happy all over.

BOOTS

2010-10-27T20:06:00.000-07:00

I'd really like colored boots to be cool right about now.

Seriously. I know black is kind of the only thing I wear in the winter, but I have this feeling I'm going to want out of that phase pretty soon here. And how badly do I want a pair of high navy blue boots? Pretty badly. Also red. Not like working the corner/Halloween costume red boots...maybe I'll ask Whit to draw a picture of what I want so it doesn't sound crazy. Red fashion boots. Pea coat. It sounds lovely to me right now.

Until then, I want the $40 boots from Macy's, and I'm looking for some good, gray boots with no heel, because mine are sadly about to be done. I'm seriously depressed. I love those things.

I have decided that if I am really going to be serious about living here, I have to learn how to be OK with spending money on coats and boots. Also, I need to develop a good eye for bargains on gloves.

Can't Help It

2010-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

My friend Emily (who is funny and loves headbands) doesn't like it when people complain about the weather. She is especially severe upon those who voluntarily CHOOSE to live in this state, and then want to cry and cry every time it snows.

So last night, I couldn't sleep. Lots of bad, unhappy thoughts. And I woke up to find the world covered in snow. So I tried to blame it on the creepy movie my roommate and I watched last night and not some sort of weird snow-radar. Also, remember how sometimes I actually get excited about the snow because Jason will teach me how to snowboard? I tried to remember that, too.

(A nearby town yesterday. I was hoping we'd escape it today.)

The day sort of keeps sliding downhill, though. My car is messed up, and I'd like to know when I have time to take it in, or where I'm supposed to take it for that matter. I miss my Honda guys from home who know my name and take care of me and are really honest with me. I hate going to new car places by myself. My cell phone will NOT stay on to save its life. It prefers to shut off every 20 minutes. My work computer systems are all messed up. People are being dismissive.

Are you picking up on this? All I want to do is complain, dang it. I just want to lie on the ground and cry and say it's not fair and have someone take care of all of this for me.

But really, I don't want that. I want to be excited about the fact that I get to wear a Halloween costume to dance tonight. I want to be a happy girl at work instead of...complain-y girl. I want to be excited again about all my plans for tomorrow, and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday! Also, I want to smile about my amazing work outfit today.

You know what's really going to turn this day around though? My sisters. When they blog, the world is just a better place. Holla. :)

Cat Ballou

2010-10-25T15:59:00.001-07:00

I understand there was some confusion about a recent cryptic post of mine, featuring a photo from an old movie.

I really am sorry. I always forget that most people did not spend their childhood watching old movies but doing things like watching cartoons. This leads to confusion on both sides in many conversations.

So I feel I owe you an explanation:

Cat Ballou.

The movie is about this sweet, pretty young girl who just wants to be a school-teacher, but the whole town is after her daddy's ranch. Eventually, the town leaders hire a gunman to get rid of her old man, and then all stand together to deny it, leaving her powerless.

Or so they assume.

Armed with a gunman of her own (chosen from books who turns out to be a drunk) the hired hand from the ranch, and two hilarious outlaws (the one who is chasing after her and his uncle) Cat(herine) Ballou takes off to get her revenge.

It's a really funny movie, and basically if you feel like Cat, it's the classic "me against the world" feeling.

"And the first timeI ask you to do something for me, like rob one little train!!!"

You also know you have wonderful (if unconventional) people around you to help you out of crazy situations (like when you get caught and the town wants to string you up...cue picture from the post.) (Which no, is not the same as the one below. But this one is SO funny!)

Anyway. My point is that when I told my sister she should be worried, I wasn't saying she should be worried about ME. :)

Are you still lost?! It's ok. We can have movie night. I'll bring the M&Ms, you can bring popcorn. It'll be a party.

My Aunt has good news!

2010-10-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

(This picture is the epitome of what happiness looks like)

We're going to have a new little baby coming into the family...the fourth little adopted baby for my aunt.

We're all thrilled!!

Other good, happy things include: Whitney's post with audience participation encouraged (hooray October!!), the beautiful drive I got to go on yesterday to enjoy the pretty fall colors, and work. I love my job.

Desperation

2010-10-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

I know these moods. I know these impulsive decisions. I know how this goes.

Good luck, world. You don't stand a chance.

XOXO

Reminder:

2010-10-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

But first...

I have new roommates!! They're so cute. I'm really excited.

They really are sweet, though. I mean, we've already had something break and they've only been here two days (their bathroom TOTALLY flooded) and they still have smiles on their faces. I'm seriously SO excited. I love happy people. They're good for me. And you. And everyone.

Anyway. Reminder...

David Archuleta to Perform with Mormon Tabernacle Choir in Annual Christmas Concert

Have you signed up for the Christmas Concert lottery yet?! If you don't wanna come, will you sign up anyway? My mom wants your tickets. She'd like Saturday night, since she'll be driving up to see me. And everything. She wants to see the whole show, but if you can keep a secret, I think it's mostly me. :)

I want to post all sorts of other happy, fall-related things, but to be totally honest my feet and ankles have developed very loud voices this evening and they are currently yelling at me. I have got to get used to all this jumping around. Which reminds me...anyone down for taking a Monday night hip-hop class with me? We could also go running, but it's starting to get cold and I have gym issues. We'll discuss. I'm open to all sorts of ankle-strengthening ideas. But...if you say jump-rope, that's probably going to only be a one time thing. I'm just letting you know up front.

How I learned that I need to be rich:

2010-10-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

First, let's talk about what's going on RIGHT NOW. It is October. Are your nails black? Have you registered for the ticket lottery for the Christmas Concert yet? If not, you really need to register, then walk away from the computer, paint your nails black, wait for them to dry, and then come back to this. Also right now, realizing that buying a cell phone car charger was possibly the best financial investment of the summer.

Now the main event: this week, I've been reading the heated controversy about the GAP logo - you know, they've been using this new font for a year, but then they added this little square and the whole word went, "Wait. OUTRAGE!!" (Exhibit A)

Anyway. It got me thinking about the store. I used to love that place - especially when I first started growing really tall. JEANS. You guys...they made long enough jeans. And I loved them so much for it.

It was one of those cool things you could talk about with the other long-legged people.

"Where do you ever find jeans long enough?!"

"I know. It's so hard. But I shop at GAP."

"Really?! Me too! It's the only place! Let's be friends!"

A n y w a y...it was super cool. And a relief. And then I grew that dang last little bit. It's the last 3/4 of an inch that really does it, at least for me.

There I was, fully content in my jeans, and then I grew 3/4 of an inch more. And suddenly, that lovely store only made jeans that were about 3/4 of an inch too short. Oh, they were so close. And I so badly wanted to just get them and move on. But my mother knew better. She knew I'd buy those jeans to get out of the store, try to put them on with closed toe shoes for school and promptly take them off again. They would rot in a drawer. She would take me back to the GAP, and we would do it all again.

I never went into the store again.

I'm fairly sure of this. I've thought long and hard about it, and I don't really remember buying anything else at the GAP other than jeans. But then I also remembered that as I grew, I also started looking more like human being and less like a human being being rapidly stretched, and regular clothes didn't want to fit me anymore.

It's still a pretty big problem. Shopping can be rough.

BUT THEN...

This week, we got fitted for costumes. Measurements in every direction you can think of. Yeah, for real. And the seamstress taking care of me said, "Wow, you're really easy to dress."

"Well, that can't be true. Nothing ever fits me right."

But then I realized the truth!!

I just need to be rich, and then I can have dresses and other clothes fitted specifically for me! AHH dresses designed just for me...perfect.

In other news, there is an early-Halloween party where you can either dress up as a movie star or person from a movie. And if I was rich, you guys, I would go as Alice in Wonderland and I would have every single dress from the new movie. I would duck into closets and bathrooms and change at random intervals throughout the party. I really would.

If I were shorter, I would go as Posh Spice and none of this post would be relevant at all. But I would also have to learn not to smile all night long, and I'll never be able to do that, even for Halloween. There are limits. Yikes.

So...I'll take suggestions for that! Also, you're invited.

Something for you to fall in love with...

2010-10-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

I have yoga-lates on Tuesdays now, and I love it. It's in my dance teacher's studio, which is up on a hill overlooking the whole city.

Last night, it started storming by the end of class, and it was so lovely to just stretch and work in that big, beautiful room with the fire going and the mirrors on one wall and another wall dedicated to windows with the city all lit up and the rain splashing against them.

If you're feeling in the mood for beautiful things, you can check this out: http://theworldwelivein.tumblr.com/

I was hoping for an embed code that would give you a little teaser picture like on facebook, but I guess it doesn't work the same way here. So here is one:

That's one of the October 2 ones. It came from National Geographic and was taken in the Phillipines. Find credit for the photographer, etc. HERE.

Be inspired.

Rules. If you're dating.

2010-10-04T11:09:00.001-07:00

**Disclaimer: I'm going to try to do this gently. I would love SO dearly to just rip into this one, sink my teeth into it, and generally devour the topic with reckless abandon. However, I'm going to try to just be nice. Just say what needs to be said, and then gracefully move along.**

#1 - Be honest, but don't overshare. For example, don't stand up in front of a large group of people and tell them that even though you know they all know your name, you just can't remember most of theirs. You probably have wonderful intentions and would like to get to know everyone, but your phrasing may make some people want to start calling YOU the wrong name on purpose after your statement.

#2 - Try hard not to make the other person feel cheap, used, or otherwise worthless. For example, even though you might want to kiss someone before you've even taken them out, don't text them and tell them that. If you are married or in a serious relationship, this example does not work. If you have not seen the object of your texting in over a year and are unaware of their current dating status, this example goes times 10.

#3 - Reach out and find similar interests. Whether you're just trying to get through yet another night of first encounter small talk or you've been with the same person for years, there is always something refreshing about finding something new that you share a similar thought process about.

#4 - Smile.

#5 - Observe rules of common courtesy. Boys, it is often better to be safe than sorry. And if you asked a girl out, don't ask her to pay after you order. It's also good to know the rules of common courtesy. For example, always open a door for a woman, but if it is a revolving door, the man goes first.

#6 - Be patient.

#7 - I wrote this too long ago. I am no longer in the same mood. So number 7 is...be happy!! :) Because life should be fun and good as much as you can make it so.

And that's all for today, guys. I just kind of wanted to get that out there. I've been watching the girls in my ward and my roommates and experiencing a few things myself lately...and posting this will likely not change anything, but I like to think that maybe there is hope. Haha have a great day, everyone!

xoxo

Good Deed

2010-09-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

I work with this guy who is teaching me accounting. Yep, between him and Norm, I should have this stuff down. He's a great person to teach me, because he keeps things interesting and lets me take breaks to talk about other things or work on other things when I get bored.

He sent me the video below of a guy in his ward. Apparently, # of views for the video equals # of $ this guy will donate to cancer. Start watching at 0.42 if you want, because the first bit basically just tells you what I just wrote.

Also, I think it's cool.

Also, have you changed your mind about moving in yet?

Live With Me!!

2010-09-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am shamelessly begging. Stop your judging. I had no idea people moved so quickly after we were all done with that undergrad thing. I take a year to work at a real job and all my friends scatter. :)

But SERIOUSLY.

I'll be living alone in exactly 1 week from tomorrow, unless you help me out. The whole master bedroom in my apartment will be open. It's fully furnished, $310 per person...did I lose your interest already?

Stop it. Focus. The showers have super high faucets, which means you don't have to duck no matter HOW TALL YOU ARE. Super cool, right?! Also, there is a microwave, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, balcony, dishes, cute tables, beds, dressers, night-stands, book cases, we're getting a new couch, and it comes with a great TV. Also, we have cable and wireless internet. Are you sold yet?! Are you totally ready to come to Salt Lake?!

Not yet, huh? OK. Well, how about the fact that it is located EXACTLY in between downtown Salt Lake City and the University of Utah?? Huh?? Oh, and your roommate (me) has the best job ever and can tell you when all the amazing things are going down in the city. You would become at least 30% more cultured just by moving in.

It's super cute, too. It's just...happy. And our landlord? Honestly...I've had some good landlords, but nobody touches this guy. Everything we ever need is taken care of immediately. And there is parking for all of us, including one spot in a GARAGE which we can rotate.

Also, I really want to live with nice people. Cool people. If you are sensing just a hint of desperation, you can just run with that. Take that desperation, run with it, and find me some amazing people to live with and make life better and brighter, and I'll do the same for them.

(Notice: I'm guessing that after 1 week of living completely alone, I will be panicked enough to start offering ridiculous bribes and...you know, I'm not going to finish that thought. Please help.)

2010-09-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm all sorts of goal-oriented lately, didja know?

Yeah. It started with keeping things clean at home, even "seriously, I can hardcore scrub the floor and all that has to happen is one load of laundry and you would think it had been three weeks since it was cleaned!" rooms. Because I hear having kids is like 230489345 times worse than laundry fuzz all over your bathroom or not having a desk to put your papers in.

And then it's kind of a healthy-living goal, too. I want to break it up and focus on one thing every month, but they all tie in so much that it's not really working. Make sense? I was supposed to pick one or two things a month, and get those really good. So I picked cleanliness, and then debated between exercise, eating, and sleeping habits. But you can't have just one!

I mean, I'm dancing again because well, it's started up again so that helps with the exercise part. However, that just sort of naturally makes you want to eat better and wears you out so much faster that if you DON'T sleep enough, you get cranky. Or really weird. Or super shaky at dance because your whole body is crying, "Please, please, please, I just want to sleep! I can't even stand up and you want me to bend in all these weird directions and then hold the stretch! What kind of sick, twisted person are you?! I ask so little..."

I'm learning cool things though. Like last night, I made myself a salad because I'd been craving green and leafy all day (see? It just comes unconsciously.) and fish. But there was no lemon juice. Tartar sauce with no lemon?

Never fear. I had limes.

Would that be weird? I didn't know. I squeezed the lime over the fish. And you guys. You GUYS. It was amazing. Lime tartar sauce. So good. And then I had vanilla yogurt for dessert. And there was leftover lime. Why not, right? Squeeze the lime into the yogurt!! Ahhhhhhh it was delicious.

Then later that night, I finally started getting ready for bed. I was thinking, "Why does everyone want to go to bed?" And I remembered, "I was exhausted all day today because I'm not getting enough sleep. I wanted to go to bed all day." And my previously-annoyed-with-bed-self said, "Hmm. That is true."

And the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off and I had fallen asleep with the lights on and not moved all night.

You know what? I bet you're reading this and saying to yourself, "She really should have picked the focusing-on-sleep option." Probably true, my friends. Probably true.

But eventually, I'll have this down. This whole balanced, healthy, awesome thing.

Then I can start on the NEXT batch of goals! Jason just wants me to clean out my purses. (He thinks this is part of my cleaning goal. I keep telling him I need all that stuff in there.) My mom's vote was that I start running again. I'm pretty sure my RS pres would like me to be LESS busy so I could do more new-member visits during the week, and Natalie and Casey would like me to get better at time/money management so I can fly out to see them.

So it's your turn - you can choose your goal for me here, too. Just don't jump on the one about the purses bandwagon, because seriously. You could need car markers at ANY TIME. Just like you could need hair products or a cell phone charger or your driver's license or a book or deodorant.

Dear AM,

2010-09-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would call you yesterday, but it was so crazy...I didn't want to make you feel all the craziness, too! And then I ended the day with my Horito loves, which made all the crazy go away but also meant I didn't get home until it was late. And I'm trying to let you sleep so you can focus on school.
I had to help take someone to the emergency room yesterday. Everything ended up being ok, but it was a good thing we went just the same. It made me realize that the last time I was really sitting in the hospital with someone, it was Uncle Steve, and I felt this huge compulsion to reach over to the hospital bed to hold my friend's hand.
You know, sometimes holding hands is cute and fun, but more often I think I equate it with needing something. For me, it means a different type of caring. Usually.
I visited Uncle Steve's grave this week. My ward went on a tour of the cemetary (you know, because so many prophets etc. are buried there) but I didn't really want to be there with them. I just wanted to visit Steve. It was honestly the most beautiful day, and you know how that place just looks out over the whole city? It was perfect. Is it weird to say I really like being close to his grave? It made me so sad at first, and I was furious when people wanted me to visit it, but now it brings me all this peace even though it still makes me sad, too.
I guess I should have had something specific in mind when I started writing this, because I think it's sounding sad. I don't mean for it to be sad.
I thought of you yesterday when we were looking through magazines and saw the actress who plays Olive. I can't wait for you to come see me, and for us to go see that!
Actually, I have lots of ideas for things we can do when you get here. I'd like to dedicate the rest of this post to listing them all out for you, but instead I think you should give me ideas of what you'd like to do, and I'll tell you which of my plans match that. :)
I love you so much, sister. I'm so proud of all the awesome things you're doing up there.
xoxo
Jeanette

For the Lonely.

2010-09-17T09:53:00.001-07:00

Maybe you already saw this one?

I'm a firm believer in everyone needing days like that. Moments like that. Maybe lots of them, maybe just a few. Whether we have 5 children crying for attention or we're a brand new person in a big, new city where we don't know anyone, we all need some of it, sometimes.

But I'm an even more firm believer in everyone needing other people, as well. I love the Marjorie Hinckley quote about needing one another. I believe in visiting teaching. I believe in lasting friendships and families and trust and love.

Above all, however, I believe in these words: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

And when you have the time to sit and read it, try these words. My sister showed them to me.

They are the best thing to do with your alone time. The best way to know why you feel the way you do, whether you are surrounded or alone sometimes. And it's a reminder for me that I am not the important one here - I am here because of what really is important.

Please really read it. I want to be in a classroom discussing those words, but it would be even better to talk to YOU about them. And remind me to re-read them whenever I am losing my focus. So...probably every day.

As it says at the end, by Robery Browning via David O. McKay, "There is an answer to the passionate longings of the heart for fullness... Live in all things outside yourself by love, and you will have joy. That is the life of God; it ought to be our life. in him it is accomplished and perfect; but in all created things it is a lesson learned slowly and through difficulty."

Here is to learning and love. Possibly my new daily mantra. To add to this one (for the times I know I can laugh myself out of my selfishness.)

Positive Thinking

2010-09-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

I need to wear nylons to work every day. But guess what? It's cool enough for tights now. This is a big deal.

Seriously.

1. Tights keep my legs warm. In the summer, my nylons drive me to distraction because I just want my cool, pretty dresses. In the winter, I buy the thickest tights I can get away with just for the warmth (and maybe, MAYBE wear leggings under my dresses if I can hide them. I might have done that.) Fall and spring are lovely. The tights keep me warm, but I'm not freezing to death.

2. They're just so dang cute. I'm so happy colored, patterned tights are all over the place right now. It makes me feel like they can actually be part of my outfit and not just a necessity.

3. Same dress + different tights = different outfit. I need that kind of variety.

I'm pretty happy about this, guys. Last fall I was like, "No!! Not tights and nylons! Take my freedom, but don't take my bare legs!!" This year, they're practically my favorite part of the outfit.

Check me out.

Carrot Cake

2010-09-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Did you know that my dad doesn't like chocolate?
Nope. He can't stand it.
It wasn't always that way, but that's another story. This is about how he loves carrot cake. At one point, I'm pretty sure it was his favorite kind of cake and that may still be true. Sometimes people have their favorites change. Even if it has, carrot cake reminds me of my dad and it makes me happy.
A lot of things have been reminding me of my dad this week. I cooked steak for the very first time last night, but I had to cook it inside (grill doesn't fit in the budget/apartment living thing.) I felt like he would have been proud of me.
And someone brought a carrot cake to work for us. Oh, I was so happy.
Really. I used to think carrot cake was the strangest idea in the world, but after I left home I always got so happy when I saw it. It isn't often you run across it, you know. But every time, it makes me smile and I at least have to have one bite of it, just so I can think about my dad.
This week, I also learned that just a couple of bites of carrot cake in the morning will get rid of the very worst cramps (you know, the kind that mean if you don't find a cure you're not eating ANYTHING all day.)
Thanks, Dad. I love you.

(In other food-related news, my absolutely delicious Dove chocolate today told me to "live from the heart and love life." Good advice, Dove. One of the reasons why I like you so much.)

People Love Me

2010-09-09T07:48:00.001-07:00

Don't these just make you so happy??

I know. It's a cell phone camera. Forgive me. But can you see well enough to see that they're beautiful?!

All I asked for on my birthday was to be able to blow out a candle. And I wanted ice cream. So somebody built me a cake. Seriously, that's the best description I've got!

This was quite the process. Just trust me.

The aftermath.

It just makes me happy to look at that.

PS I took pictures of lots of other things, like my dinner and presents. But I realized I would have rather taken pictures of the people instead of the food (oops) and somehow, presents are personal.

Did you all know that I love you??

Serendipity

2010-09-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

Are you still waiting to see the birthday flowers and cake?
Good. Because they're still coming.

I want to write for a minute about a concept that several people have been trying to talk to me about lately, and I want this to be open for you to contradict me and blast me with, "Silly girl, that's not what I meant at all! Re-evaluate."
Serendipity (n) 1. an apititue for making desirable discoveries by accident.
In other words, "things just work out."
So sometimes, I start to believe in this. I start to think that anything that works out just "works out," and that it works out pretty quickly, too.
Example: I started feeling restless at home last summer, got an email from my professor, and within 3 weeks (I think) I had moved out of the state and started my dream internship.
That's the example I've been using all year to validate my claim that if things will work out, they just do. Immediately.
Repudiation: I spent years getting to that point. I can remember sitting on my bed in the fall of 2007 in absolute terror, realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do with my major, and wishing so badly for the internship I eventually ended up with. I spent the next full year looking into that and other possibilities. Grad schools, internships, job possibilities. Everything felt wrong. Finally, I made another decision, moved home, and started getting my masters in education. It was a horrible first few months. Then it got better. Then it was wonderful, but something was missing. And THEN I got the internship.
So yes, after 2 years, it did immediately work out.
2 years.
Example: Cross Country. Best decision of high school. I just decided one day to do it, and i did it! And I LOVED it.
Repudiation: Seriously, you need it? I couldn't even run my first track season. I spent the whole season building up muscles in jumping. Then running alone. My old friend wouldn't even talk to me in practice. Running was rough stuff, guys. I was never really that awesome at it. But I LOVED it. And I got better every season. I had to MAKE it good. I had to deal with a lotof teasing, but I made some of the best friends of my life. Some people are good with teasing. I'm basically the stereotypical bad-at-it girl. But it was SO worth it.
Example: Jerusalem. You know I'd always said if I was going to spend all my savings and take time away from school for a study abroad, it would be to go to Jerusalem. But it was closed. Then, "serendipitously", the very semester I realized I really needed to get away, the very day I decided to look just for fun at the Jerusalem Center, it reopened. And I got in.
Repudiation: That whole application process was no cake-walk, my friends. There were so many desperate, tear-filled days just trying to get the papers in. So many road-blocks. There were so many times I thought, "I absolutely have to get in. There is no way it would be this hard if I wasn't really supposed to go." (I tried to banish those thoughts, though. I knew my odds of getting in were not good. I didn't want to lead myself on.) And then there was the whole emotional process of actually getting me ready to go - breaking me down, and building up the right desires to be there, learning about Christ every single day. That took lots of months. You could argue years.

In other words, my friends, I don't believe in the serendipity. I believe in miracles. And miracles take a lot of work. They also tend to take a lot of time. But once they happen, it does seem like everything just magically worked out right at that moment. For me, though, at least today, forgetting about the time and tears it took to get that miracle actually diminishes it. Today I want to remember that even though my sacrifices were NOT even close to what I received, I did put in something. In the above cases, I put in my all. And I received more than I ever could have dreamed.
THAT is how it works. That is the idea.

Man. You'd think I'd have this down by now. Mortality is rough, you guys. :)

Future Filter

2010-09-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have a filter on my internet for my kids. (Yeah, I like to make my decisions well in advance. So do you. How much about your high school life did you decide in elementary school?)

You are free to disagree. "No! I need to read that article! You're interpreting it wrong, filter! How can I do my homework if you won't let me see the research??"

However, I can counter that easily. See: facebook. Ugh. And then get back to me.

Guess what today is??

2010-09-01T07:25:00.001-07:00

Today is this:

And I feel like this:

And someday, I definitely want to do this to somebody:

Also, I don't own these pictures. If that becomes a problem, expect to see me learn how to correctly give credit/switch these out. :)

Paradigm Shift

2010-08-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hello Today.

You're always an emotionally charged day, aren't you? I don't really like to think it's your fault. After all, you always come in August, and August is possibly my favorite month. Well...you know. I like August.

I don't want to make light of you. There have been several years when you have changed my life. I am largely who I am today because of the things that happened. Happen. But I also don't want to make you sound so serious all the time. I don't want people thinking I'm still not OK with some of the things that happened.

Sometimes they were big. Everybody knows about those. Sometimes they were personal. Sometimes lots of people knew, sometimes nobody really knew. Sometimes there were beautiful breakthroughs, and sometimes there were only the memories of what had happened before. Often, they were very sad.

This year, you seem to be all over the place. Waking up in the most beautiful way possible, with wonderful news and exciting possibilities at work. Stories of terrible tragedies still unexplained. A sandwich gone bad. Stomping on bubble wrap for fun. But none of the big things are really about me.

Do you see where I'm going with this, Today? I feel like I owe you respect. Remembrance. Observance, even. But I don't ever want to make these hugely important matters that are so big for other people all about me. Today, I think this year is not about me. Maybe it never was.

Maybe that's the point.

Still coming to terms, but this time with love,
Jeanette

Decisions

2010-08-27T07:11:00.001-07:00

Do you remember a year ago at this time?

I was living at home, trying to find roommates who would love to move out with me. I had made up my mind absolutely about what I wanted to do with my life, where I wanted to go to school to make that happen, and how long it was going to take me. I was busy, I was involved, but...I was restless by this time last year.

Yeah, I remember that.

That was also when I applied and interviewed for my internship up here at the wonderful place where I now work for real. And I love it. I know I say it so much that it's nauseating, but I just like saying it because it's true. (Note: I am again trying to find roommates. Some things never change?)

It's been a problem living here though. Problematic in that I remember now just how many things I used to want to do. How many interests I really do have. And there is a university right up the street from my house just full of options and possibilities, small colleges and trade schools litering the city...I could do it all, you guys. I really could. I could just work here all day and go to school all night forever.

Is that sick? That I'm actually seriously considering something like that? What about savings?? Life? Most importantly, where do I start?

I really don't know. All I know is that life seemed so black and white at home. I knew what I wanted, but it wasn't really enough. Now I feel not only fulfilled but completely overwhelmed, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Dance started again this week (this relates, I promise), and I can already feel a difference in myself. I don't know why I ever take breaks from working out when I know what a huge difference it makes not only in my physical health but every other aspect of ME. My dance teacher for this particular class does a fabulous job of tying dance into life. This week, we talked about balance. The pull that comes from different directions, what that looks like, what that feels like, and how you balance it.

"You balance between loving and being loved," she said, describing what she wanted the movement to feel like. "You balance putting your heart into work and being fulfilled by your work."

Etc. So that's the key here, right? Find the balance between the two extremes. Don't limit yourself to one option, but don't get overwhelmed with the possibilities. I wasn't so good with that balancing stuff, but my teacher said, "This is the place where you practice for your life." So this fall will be lots of dancing and lots of decisions for me, I predict.

Which probably means it will be something totally different. But you know. It's kind of fun to guess. It's nice to have a plan, even if it doesn't work out.

Losing Sleep

2010-08-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

I love working here. Have I said that yet today? I just like telling everyone.

It's a little bit of a struggle today because I'm pretty much exhausted. I'll tell you why, but it's only going to enforce how much of a nerd I really am - I stayed up way too late because I had to finish a book. A book that was filled with thought-provoking ideas and brilliantly executed characters. A book that also seriously depressed me. And yes, dear readers of the blog, it was intended for children.

Book releases are becoming the bane of my alertness. Seriously. It's so much better having an established story that you can pick up and read any time, one with all the books already around. When you know the book is coming out, if you are me, you can't stand the wait. And you can't stand that the next day, the internet will be swarming with the story YOU have been mulling over for...[insert time period here.] You want to read it. And you have to read it - NOW.

Which brings me to my point. Selfishly, I would appreciate it if all book would be released on Fridays at midnight rather than the middle of the week. I'd kind of like it if movies would do the same thing. Yes, it's selfish. I understand, I really do. You want the whole first weekend for your blockbuster hit. I get it.

It's just...well, I'm not in high school anymore, and Natalie and I (wait...was it Natalie?) can't curl up underneath Mitch Danger's desk and sleep for 45 minutes because midnight Lord of the Rings + early morning seminary = really, really sleepy teenagers. I can't! I have a professional job and no desire to be climbing under my desk.

Oh, what's that? Most people want their Friday nights free for other activities than reading? Reading is a mid-week activity at best? Well, rats. Also wrong. But anyway. Plan B then. Get back to work. :)

Reminder: August = Summer

2010-08-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

Alright Utah, listen here. I've been pretty darn patient for just about a year now. I really have. I played in the snow. I didn't cry about being cold all the time. I put up with quirky cultural differences and absolutely appalling drivers with minimal complaining. And, lest you think I'm complaining about those all too much now, I'm willing to keep doing it. Yes, that's right. I'll stay. There are good things. Wonderful things! At least for a while.
But you have just gone too far now.
It is August. August! The hottest month of the year in Vegas I'm pretty sure. At least it always feels that way. And last week, when everyone here started talking about how fall was almost here, I just smiled. I kept quiet, because I KNEW IT WAS STILL SUMMER.
But this week?
EVERYONE. IS. GETTING. READY. FOR. CHRISTMAS.
Christmas?!
Let me just say I feel completely validated now for everything I ever said about winter lasting forever here. It snowed until what, June? Are we in Alaska?? And now it's August and Christmas lights are already going up and all the moms are telling me about their plans for Christmas shopping...stop it. Just stop it. Right now.
I'm going home tomorrow and I'm going to get a sunburn ON PURPOSE and eat popsicles and wear shorts and generally shove it in your face, Utah. Because maybe you want to wallow in the cold, dark, depressing-ness of winter ALL YEAR LONG but I'm going to go be happy.
You just think about that and get back to me. Maybe we can talk about LABOR DAY, HALLOWEEN, AND THANKSGIVING. Also, finishing summer. I don't wanna hear about anything else for at least four months.
Thank you.
J
PS WATER PARKS!!! :) Come on, Utah. Priorities!!

Language

2010-08-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

Did you know I want to be a teacher? Is there anyone left who still doesn't know this? And are you also aware that it is not going to happen probably?

Well, if not, you are now caught up. Congratulations.

Part of this desire comes from my love of language. I think it's a family thing. My great-grandparents courted over letters. The most beautiful, wonderful letters you can imagine. My uncle is a linguist. My grandfather on the other side writes plays and books like you would not believe. It just flows out of him. He's hilarious and witty and wonderful.

I really think language gets taken for granted. Jason and I talked about this about a week ago. You'd have to get the reference from him, but apparently someone once said that you can only think as intelligently as your language permits.

In other words, if you don't have the words, you don't have it at all.

For obvious reasons, I've been doing a lot of thinking about words lately. The power of words, the lasting consequences of words, and the importance of words. Jason used to tell me on a regular basis that words to him mean nothing - that you can only judge someone by their actions. One time he told me to never listen to a word he said, but to make all my judgments by his actions alone.

Now, at the time, it was good for me to hear. I love words so much that I've been a complete sucker for them. The boys who had the right words didn't need the right actions - I was completely swept away. I let bad people get really close to me because I fell in love with their words, even if that didn't mean love in the romantic sense. I could overlook all their actions because overlooking left me more time to pour over the words.

People have been swept away by the words of horrible dictators and overlooked all of their actions as well.

But you need both. The actions and the words. Today, however, is just about the words.

I think I've grown tired again of the idea that "just kidding" fixes everything. I think I've lost all patience with the idea that "well, it doesn't bother me, so I fail to see why it should bother you." I think I've come to hate with a renewed passion the trend of calling your friends sluts and whores, especially when they're a "slut" for having a boyfriend or a "whore" for having friends. In this particular instance, improving vocabulary is not only for your own benefit, but also the benefit of your poor friend who will eventually in some way link your comments to her self-esteem in all likelihood.

Take your swear words literally for a minute and think about what you are really saying, because that is how it sounds to me when you yell and rail at your children or subordinates or anyone else.

Understand that different words mean different things to different people, and then try to figure out how to use them correctly in context. When working with different religions, so many times saying the same thing means different things to two different people and vice versa. Saying "I love you" means something different when you say it to your puppy and when you say it to your mother. What else are you saying to your puppy? What else are you saying to your mother? Expound.

You see, I can't help it. I want to teach. I want to discuss. I want to explain and fill the minds of children with the beauties of language and tear out some of the easy, ugly fall-back words so many of us use. I fall short of this every day. It's a constant battle. I want to learn and know so much more than I have right now.

I want to impress this: make your words matter to you, because your words define you. You are your words. Your words and your actions.

Gone With the Wind

2010-08-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with the book? Well, if you're not, don't make yourself familiar with it. I think it is the only book I have ever actually thrown across the room.

Several times, if I remember correctly.

It took me months to finish because it kept making me so angry. And when I finally finished it, I was still mad. Seriously. However, there is one thing I can relate to in Scarlett. Her father always says that it is in her blood to love the land. She laughs at first, but then every time life beats her down till she can't stand it again, she goes home. She goes back to that land and it gives her strength.

I think that's me, too. I've had a few people talk to me about moving back, and while it sounds lovely on some days, it also feels very, very wrong. A visit though? That sounds just about perfect. That sounds like exactly what I need to get myself back. My sunshine, my sisters, and some of my very favorite people in the whole world. And just...the place. It fixes me.

Also, Natalie and Seth. AND Marissa and Jake. To quote a book I LOVE instead of hate, "That is not good company. That is the best." And speaking of, I also love Dustin and Brianne. Good thing I have the best friends in the world.

This is a Man's World - EDITED

2010-08-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

I feel I need to clarify my earlier post. I don't really believe those terrible things I said. I'm in a pretty confusing place right now, and I think that there is some serious part of my nature that needs to be in control. Therefore, when things are confusing, I have to sit down and make sense of them. Depending on the severity of the situation, this can take me five minutes or five months. (Actually, it's usually two or three months tops.) And there are some things that I will spend my whole life trying to figure out.

But I do want to say that there are some people I have observed of late who take advantage of the wonderful things they have been blessed with, and this makes me absolutely crazy. I mean, I know most people do that to one extent or another throughout their lives, but I'm not talking about little things.

I read a post a few days ago about remembering the fight it took for women to get the right to vote, and some of the brutal, terrible things that happened to them as they fought for what they knew was important.

I don't think this is a gender-specific thing...this fighting for what is important and getting slammed down in the process sometimes. I think it happens to all of us, and I think it is the way things are supposed to happen. I went to a fireside tonight where we talked about that...about the physical, permanent manifestations on the Savior's body to remind all of us of the important and the GOODNESS of suffering.

"The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

No.

Section 121 and 122. They say everything I want to, and much more beautifully than I can.

Please forgive me for my weaknesses. I don't want to sound silly, but help me make this world a better place.

Apology (and Request?)

2010-08-06T07:07:00.001-07:00

Look, I know blogs are for married people, ok? That's why I never wrote about how blissfully happy I was while we were dating. Nobody starts their stalking wanting to hear about dating. They want to hear about husbands and babies. And they want even LESS to hear about what's going on now.

But unfortunately for all of you readers, blogging started for angsty teenagers in my opinion. It used to be for the kids, and everyone wrote whatever they wanted - good or bad. And writing is my release. And I'm not in school. And if I were you, I wouldn't read me either for a little while.

But despite my distinctly unpleasant beginning to this post, I'm actually writing it to apologize. (No, really.)

Even I am not going to know what I want for a little while. I sort of feel cosmically slapped right across my pretty face (well, it was pretty before) and I...I'm really just not...quite sure...what...to...do with that?

And I'm not lots of fun right now. And I'm not even that nice right now. And I can't even smile at strangers in the hallway and you can ALWAYS do that, can't you??

The truth is, this is why I hide all of this from all of you all the time. Because I hate this side of myself, and I'd rather not expose all of you to it. Because, even on days like this, I love all of you WAY more than I love myself. And I know I can't be myself right now. As stated before, I can't even really be nice. And I'm sorry. I really, really am.

I should stop the post right now. Quit while I'm ahead. But I have one request to make. Several people have begged me "not to do anything rash." I see their reasoning. I'm not really known for reacting well. I tend to just sort of run in desperation and find something that will work for me, and I get pretty beat up in the process. But I think this is worse. I think this hopelessness is worse. This empty, sleepy feeling when I think about just sitting still, being responsible and letting things happen to me? That's not me. I don't want it to be me.

I did not come to Earth to fade away into blackness. I'm going to make something good out of my life. I'm going to DO something good with it, even if I'm alone and it's true that I'm incapable of being loved. But I don't think that's true. I really don't. Eventually, if you fight long enough, you'll get where you need to be. And honestly, I'd rather mess up a few things and eventually find where I need to be than just sit and get moldy. Gross.

Plus, last time I seriously overreacted to something, I ended up in Jerusalem. Last time I sat and let things happen to me, I went home crying every night for months. So........maybe don't ask me to be so careful. Just maybe. Just a thought.

Finding the Good in the Bad

2010-08-04T14:31:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna have to ask you to keep an open mind for this post.

I think it's FAIRLY obvious from my recent postings that I'm going through a few slightly personal traumatic events. I'll be fine. Really.

But there is a new development I'd like to discuss. It's unrelated. As of just a few minutes ago, I can tell you it's probably going to get REALLY busy at work here for the next little while. Possibly long while.

It's going to be all the things I hate. There will probably be some very angry people calling to scream at me. There will probably be lots of confused people. I could be TOTALLY wrong and this will all blow over within a week and none of you will ever even hear about it.

But, aside from all the pain and frustration that this particular issue causes so many people on both sides, I'm ALMOST kind of looking forward to this. Just hear me out. This is what we do, people. We take these issues and we work with them. We study. We learn. We talk. We write. And I don't even care that my particular job right now doesn't even have anything to do with that - I get to watch these brilliant people do what they do best.

And it's going to be an AMAZING distraction for me. Work, really sinking your teeth into working on something that really matters, is always the best thing for anyone.

It's not going to take long for the sick feeling to hit me - what this issue at work is really going to mean. But I'm looking for silver linings in everything, even this, and something this big when I have so much going on is definitely the biggest silver lining I can think of right now.

Please hold your questions...

2010-08-03T07:40:00.001-07:00

...and read this instead.

Your prayers are working. Keep them coming, if you can. I love you all.

If you are in need of a good service project...

2010-08-02T13:54:00.001-07:00

I could use some prayers right now. I feel so selfish for asking for that. There are so many people with MUCH bigger problems than mine. Pray for all of them, too. First. But...if you have extra time after that and could throw my name in there too, it would mean more than I can say.

No, really. I can't say. Internet and all, ya know.

But I could use the help.

Stuff I can be proud of myself for...

2010-07-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

Graduating from BYU

My high school GPA (I'm finally coming to the point where I can say that...barely. Be gentle.)

That one time my hair was super short/The chemical straightener/How I now know those are not for me

Applying for that internship last August

Going to Jerusalem

Running track/cc

Talking to that boy after he was such a jerk to me and making him say sorry to my friends. Even though I skipped the part of "Hey you broke my heart...apologize to me too!"

Buying a car (note: lots of the credit for my sanity/things getting done here goes to Jason)

Getting accepted to a masters program even if I can't do it right now

Being published

Singing in public

Owning heels that are tall enough to kill myself in and wearing them in public proudly

Sometimes I like to remember I can do good things. Lists like these are good for me on the bad days...I'll come back and look at this some time and smile. Also, it's keeping me on my positive high from today. Today was a good day.
xoxo

old

2010-07-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

I found my senior year yearbook.

I think I remembered more than I wanted to, and I've barely looked through any of it.

There were lots of good things. My best friend Marissa gave Natalie and I one of those senior pages, which was one of the best gifts I ever got. There is that picture of Emily eating a hamburger that I loved and she hated. There is a great big long note from Tiffany, and a shorter one from Caitlin demanding that I invite her to my wedding and she'll stand outside. (Caitlin: I'm still going to do that.)

There is a lot of good, a lot of bad, embarrassment, laughter, and this awful tearing feeling between wanting to remember everything good and wanting to put the book away and never think of anything in it again.

I seem to feel that way about a lot of memories lately. There are some beautiful ones, and there are some things I like finding/reading/seeing because they remind me of things I have forgotten, or things I love, or a way I ought to be. But for the most part, I want to put them away because I want to focus on today. And maybe tomorrow.

And that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

So, what's new?

2010-07-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

DONE
new job
new calling
new phone plan
new roommates (situation in transit, currently)

IN PROCESS
new car
new insurance (car, health, dental, life)

plus the missionaries are back.

july. it's like life on fast-forward.

Thank you, mysterious note-leaver

2010-07-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

So I went to the movies last night with some people from the ward...it was a good time. Karate Kid, yo. Actually, for real, I'm sort of in love with the whole Will Smith family so it was definitely a good time for me. But seriously, if there is anyone who doesn't love Will Smith, don't tell me. You'll ruin my good opinion of you. And Jaden is probably my new favorite in the whole world. Plus, Karate Kid. You guys.

Downside = my contacts = not so happy lately. By the time I was finally walking to my car, I pretty much couldn't even see out of my right eye. Which is likely why I didn't see the note on my windshield until I was already in the car and had started it.

The note informed me that a Silver Suburban with Utah plates (and it listed the plate number) had hit the back of my car.

Close both eyes. Feel painful contact in right eye. Clench fists. Release. Sigh.

I jumped out to check out the car. Sure enough, dent in the back. Little, but definitely there. Now, it's an old car with lots of dents and dings (thank you, Provo students who don't know how to park OR leave notes) (also, thank you to myself for the big one in the front with an additional thank you to the ice that made that one possible) so really, should I even bother? I mean, what are you supposed to do? Call the cops and say "hey, I've got a license plate number...track it down for me!!"

While pondering these weighty questions, I started driving out of the parking lot, checking out all the cars for the offending plates. Oh, and there it was, just pulling out of a parking space.

I stopped my car and walked up to the driver's side window. Crap. Some little blonde thing who definitely did not look comfortable driving that big vehicle...initial suspicion? It's her mom's car. She's got some brunette girl with her who does her make-up like this girl I know, which means she's either really funny or can't be trusted. (Yeah, I judge some people on their make-up.)

So I show her the note and ask her if it's hers. (Obviously it's not...it was left by someone who saw her hit and run. But you know. Gotta start somewhere.) She swears up and down that they never hit a car, they hit a POLE. Awesome, girlie.

Also, remember, I can't even see out of my right eye for all of this. It's killing me. All I want to do is drive home and take the dang contact out, but I've gotta sit and listen to this girl talk about hitting poles. And basically, it hurts enough that I just say "cool." Alright, not "cool," but something like that. I probably wouldn't even have asked for anything unless it was a couple bucks for one of those baby jars of car paint that look like nail polish bottles so I could cover it up. I mean, like I said, old car, lots of issues.

However, I do appreciate whoever left the note for me. I like people who stick up for other people that they don't even know. I like people who aren't scared to do the right thing. So, note-leaver, I really like you. Although, for future reference, next time leave a number so you can be a witness and I can get insurance money for car paint.

Does it work like that?

FYI

2010-06-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

So. Did you know? My brother comes home tomorrow.

TOMORROW.

Like, he's already on a plane. Coming home. And I'll see him in the morning. YOU GUYS.

Also, did you hear? I got a job. Yeah, a full-time, amazing job with people that I love in the place that I love...yeah. Yeah!!!

Just so you're all updated.

Trust

2010-06-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Rachelle,

2010-06-15T07:52:00.001-07:00

Of course I want you to come visit me. Always. Right before EFY sounds awesome. You and Kinzy can terrorize the neighbors.
I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed by all of us sometimes. Will it help you to remember that it really is just a freak of nature that Matthew and I like lots of the same things? And that we both had to figure that out on our own? You've gotta pick activities for YOU, especially in high school. Pick whichever one will make you happiest, because I know you'll have fun in any of them (well, I obviously have my opinions about which one would make you the happiest, but you know...) :)
Also, can we please remember that I have had another graduation since those pictures you hung were taken? Any chance of using THOSE senior pictures? :)
I'm super impressed with you for being calm on the 4th year hike. Why is it only this month that I'm learning about all your fears? I feel like a bad sister.
Next week, dude. NEXT WEEK he comes home. I'm so torn. I'm so excited beyond all reason, but I'm pretty sure he is so sad about coming home...it breaks my heart for him. I think I'll just be sad for him until he's actually here, and then I won't be able to help just being excited.
I have all these amazing things going on at work that should not be posted to the internet, so you'll have to wait for next week for those.
Did I mention it's next week?
OK good.
Did you know that I love you?
Lots.
And yes, I'm excited about all those movies (to different degrees.) I really want us to take the brother to Toy Story, because remember how much he loved the first one? Good way to break him into movies again, yeah?? Because Mom is right...Dark Knight is probably not the way to go for his first one... :) ...no matter what he says differently.
I need to go work now. My break is over.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
-Jeanette

2010-05-28T14:07:00.001-07:00

"I realized I just don't know anything," I said.
My boss laughed. "You're sounding more and more like me every day."

This is why I love working here. #1 This particular boss happens to be brilliant and amazingly hard-working. He knows a LOT. #2 I never feel bad for feeling overwhelmed when I talk to these people. #3 He still told me I did a good job with my copy after getting me the information I needed.

But seriously, guys, I don't know anything most of the time. It's my new realization. Almost every day I look around and realize how much I DON'T know. About two years ago, that would have scared me more than anything, but it's actually kind of reassuring now. It's alright, guys, I have no idea what's going on.

But here's the difference now vs. 2 years ago: I also now know everything is going to be just great in the end.

So it doesn't matter so much that I don't know what's going on or what's going to happen. That calm reassurance that things will work out means that I don't have to know everything - I just have to do my very best. So the truth is, as long as I can keep doing a good job at work (and everywhere else), I think I'm pretty much set. No need to know anymore. And it's beautiful.

Spring Cleaning

2010-05-25T09:42:00.001-07:00

It's a pretty busy day today. I like those. But the problem is that I don't want it to be a busy day. I want it to be about 15 degrees warmer and I'd like to sit outside in my blue skirt today and read poetry. Or have it read to me until I fall asleep.
Sleep.
Yesterday was busy, too. Unlike today, however, yesterday was not a planned busy day. Yesterday became busy.
It all started with laundry. Because there was a lot of laundry to do, I put in a load and then tackled the dishes. Typically, if I can keep myself cleaning, I won't forget to keep rotating my laundry. So, because laundry takes forever, I then cleaned up the kitchen, and then the living room.
Laundry takes too long.
So I started to vacuum the whole apartment, but there was still dirty laundry on the floor in my room, so I couldn't vacuum in there yet...which meant I started to clean my room. I organized the books. I dusted the shelves, the dresser, and the nightstand. I put some boxes in storage now that we have storage again. I threw all the clothes in the laundry room so they would be out of my way. I fixed up the bed. I vacuumed. I was on a roll. Somewhere in there, I also rotated the laundry.
But then I took a shower. And it was all over, you guys. Focus lost.
So now, I have this beautiful clean house with 2 loads of clean laundry waiting to be put away. And another load of dirty...shoes...to put in the washing machine.
What are the odds of it getting done tonight?
I don't know. But maybe if I keep spring cleaning, spring will be here to stay. Because those few weeks of beautiful spring weather were absolutely perfect. Let's have some more of that loveliness, please.

Loreal Kids

2010-05-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

No tears. Also, I always loved those bottles. So they're perfect.

Listen here. I know I've been pretty "boo hoo feel sorry for me because I sure feel sorry for myself" lately. And by lately, I probably mean for a lot longer than I really want to admit on something like a blog.

And that, my friends, is the stupidest thing I have ever done. It's sickening, actually.

Let's talk about how amazing my life is for a minute. (I know, I said no more narcisism. Just bear with me a second.) I'm in love with the place I live. I rave about my job more than is probably healthy. And I'm not just saying that! I am meeting the most amazing girls and these fantastic guys and honestly, people of every age and type lately. Every one of them is inspiring me lately. I have dreams for the fall, and travel plans to fit in with work for the summer. I have the sweetest roommate. My brother is almost home. I realized on my flight last night that due to the events of the past several months, I look at the whole world in a different and better way, and as much as I wanted to throw that all away last night...I really don't want to do that. I like seeing things this way.

So it comes down to this: I can always think about what I don't have, and then I will always be unhappy. Always. Or I can think about what I do have, and then I will always be happy. Always.

Yes, I'm re-reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" yet again. You can tell? Good. This is why I keep re-reading it. :)

"The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings." -Robert Louis Stevenson

Also, how can you be unhappy when there is stuff like kids shampoo in this world? I mean, really. I'm still convinced that if we all acted more like kids all the time, the world would be a better place. :) I'm totally buying this stuff again. We'll see how it plus Salt Lake reacts with my hair.

Lots and lots of love,

Jeanette

Steps

2010-05-05T14:20:00.001-07:00

You all laughed at me for talking about summer, but people are already posting "Summer 2010!!" albums full of pictures.

I'm telling you, seasons are totally subjective.

My plant is still not back to where she needs to be, but all the leaves are pulling themselves up. Nothing is on the ground. It's all at least 2 inches off of it. Go little plant, go!!

Stuff (no, literally. Like, stuff I'm looking at here at work.)

2010-05-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure my plant is dying. I need her to live. I knew we were getting too attached to each other. Seriously, she took one look at me yesterday and dropped straight down and she's barely pulling her biggest leaves off the ground today.

Come on, little plant!

They have me doing data entry at work. I'm actually just waiting for my one boss to get back so I can finish it up with him. It's not the best work for my frame of mind. Or maybe it is. I can't think. Hey, last night I dreamed about the pen I've been using to cross of the names.

I dreamed about my pen, you guys.

My PEN.

I mean, it's a good pen. Writes well, handles well, good ink flow...it's nice and black...

Can I just say that I don't know why I didn't write when I was so happy? I was so scared of what people would think of me for finally really giving in to being happy...I haven't felt real, deep happiness like that since I was a little girl and I thought it was over the top.

Well, I was an idiot.

It's alright though, guys. Apparently me and this pen are developing a really serious crossing-words-off sort of relationship over here. I'm gonna head back on over to that action...don't be jealous.

For real, though. It's a dang good pen I've got over here. You can just go ahead and ask my subconscious about that one.

Contradiction

2010-05-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in church, a girl I look up to talked to a few of us girls about her little sister, who is 16 years old. She started talking about the messages that this little sister gets hit with in the media, and asked those of us sitting in the room what we thought those messages might be.

People started throwing around the usual ones: "Women need to be skinny. Skinny, skinny, skinny." (I started to get nervous. It's sort of like when people deny things too much and you know they're guilty...saying a word as many times as she did just makes me wonder what her REAL relationship to the word "skinny" is...)

More comments were made, and yes, I managed to agree with nearly all of them. But I couldn't really participate in this particular conversation, because I was struggling with contradictions that I was seeing.

Women: you must be successful, independent, and intelligent enough to get anything done.

Women: you must be kinda dumb so the guys will like you. Don't be intimidating.

Women: you must be able to bake and cook meals that look and taste amazing regularly. Wear an apron and a smile.

Women: you should probably just eat granola and yogurt yourself. Preferably by a big, open window while wearing yoga pants.

Women: follow your heart and dreams and know exactly what you want at all times.

Women: you're the one others need to come to. Hold it together for them. Better.

Be strong. Be vulnerable. Be in charge but let everyone else think that they are.

I guess it's a pretty high compliment when you think about it. I really don't want to think about it right now though. I don't want to analyze my next success move just yet and I've never liked playing dumb. I'd rather eat peanut butter m&ms than anything else right now.

My plant is dying right here in front of me. Sometimes it will do this after I'm gone all weekend and can't water it. It was looking a little droopy when I came in but now it is lying flat on the desk. You and me both, kid. I mean plant, not kid.

Good Things

2010-04-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I could listen to David McCullough talk all day. I could listen to the Choir all day. I have the most amazing internship that has ever existed. There is a little bit about it on the newsroom...go read, look, and watch.

Yesterday? That was a really, really good day.

Ditz

2010-04-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Brianne wrote me today and said, "I just looked at your blog and I hate to tell you, but it's not summer yet. It's spring."

She then proceeded to explain a few facts about spring in this state. So let's talk about this for a minute. I grew up in a city with 2 seasons, and I always wanted there to be Spring. I live in a place with seasons now though, and this season is nothing like what it is supposed to be.

Spring, my friends, is a ditzy blonde who cannot make up her mind. She's got self-confidence issues, too. She acts out in extremes, trying to emulate both summer and winter just to get attention. Any attention is good attention, so she deliberately causes problems for anybody and everybody. Anything to get people talking about her.

She has lost track of who she is supposed to be, so sometimes she throws in random problems, hoping someone will make sense of it for her (see: dust storm last night that has done serious damage to my throat.) These are also known as temper tantrums.

But listen, guys. That's not spring. Spring is the pretty one. Spring is the season of hope, of blooming, of new chances and new beginnings. She's the one who gets everything started out right again. She's the one where people start to wake up, look around, and smile again instead of looking at the ground hiding from winter. Spring is the season of love and happiness and sweet little families that make it in Disney movies.

Spring, honey, get that fake dye out of your hair and stop trying to be something you're not. The world is enough of a mess and people need some hope. You calm down and be yourself. Bring what is best in yourself to the world. We need it so much. We don't need more of what other people bring...we need YOU. Just try. The rest of us will try to follow.

Guys, I'm talking to the seasons. YOU GUYS.